It's not me, It's you
by Ambyrawrawr
Summary: Madness comes in the form of a little black book. Yaoi, character death, AU
1. Where the fuck is my chocolate?

**A/N:**

**First time writting Mello and Matt, please be gentle with me.**

**Random inspiration while hoovering (I know it's weird) But I typed this up...and well let's see how it goes.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note otheriwse All the guys would be gay and Light would love Misa.**

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Matt's P.O.V

"Matt for fuck sake!"  
I raised my goggled eyes from the mirrored screen on my gameboy, the dying screams of the monster filled the tiny apartment for a brief moment. The blonde hurricane stormed into the room, anger etched into every single feature on his face.  
"Yeah?"  
"Don't 'yeah' me! Where the fuck is my chocolate, you said you would get more while I was out!"  
I bit my lip for a moment, trying to recall the moment when Mello had asked me to leave my comfy position on the couch to brave daylight. The thought alone made an involuntary shudder ripple down my spine. I flickered my eyes back to the game, his icy blue stare making me uncomfortable.  
"I forgot Mells, go and get it yourself if you're worried."  
I swear, if Mello could still scream he would've. Instead he stomped out of the room, slamming the door shut behind him. The loud bang echoing around the room.

Now don't get me wrong, I don't take Mello for granted. I know he stuck up for me all those years when the Wammy's kids were intent on mangling me, I know he's kept everything I've told him to himself and I appreciate him for it, I really do. But I will not go outside unless it's life threatening. Then again...Mello with no chocolate could be life threatening. Shaking my head, I turned the game off, throwing it onto the couch.

I could almost picture him walking down the street, every single person cowering with fear as he steamed in silence. The thought brought a grin to my face. Head of the mafia and yet he couldn't get someone to get his chocolate for him. Peeling the goggles off my head, a pang of guilt ran through my stomach. Maybe I should've gotten it for him, but I honestly did forget. It's not like I do these things on purpose, I do try to be a good friend. I sighed, stretching until my limbs popped, which wasn't hard after sitting in the same position for 4 hours.

Standing up, I brushed my black and white striped shirt down, even after leaving Wammy's I found it difficult to make my clothes vary. Perhaps if I did Mello would notice me more and not try to brush me off his back. He doesn't know it, it's the only thing I've ever been able to keep from him. I completely and utterly in love with him.

I have been for as long as I can remember. The first day he wore leather, I had to run out of the room in a hurry to avoid him seeing my...problem with his new very very tight fitting clothes. It was just so...wow, hugging his every curve until you were pretty sure that he had nothing left to hide. Indiscreet? Mello? Never. And I love him for it.

Mello's P.O.V

"Stupid goddamn Matt." I grumbled to myself, flicking my blonde bangs from my eyes. He knew, knew I wanted chocolate and now was just playing this silly ass game to see if he could get me too crack. Like hell I was, did he even know who he was playing with? Of course he did. And that's why he loved it. Tosser. Striding into the shop, I picked up every single bar of chocolate in my flavour that they had. Shoving them over to the woman who was serving, I threw some notes at her before leaving the store, now burdened with at least 19 bars of chocolate. Unwrapping the first one, I bit into it. The loud crack startling several of the people who were walking in front of me. Good. They need fear. And if Kira won't give them fear then I will.

The chocolate ran over my tongue, instantly calming me, until I could see pass the blind rage that threatened to consume me. Letting out a small sigh of happiness I walked faster. The pretty brunette in front of me running her honey coloured eyes over my form for a moment before tearing her gaze away. She would like Matt. That guy hadn't had a girlfriend in so long I swear he's gay. I should try to set him up...or at least buy him a hooker. Let me tell you nothing says hello like walking into the kitchen to find your roommate has a raging hard-on.

I repressed the laughter that built up with the memory, I could forgive Matt for forgetting. But he had better hope not to do so again. Otherwise I would make him regret the day he was born. Turning into my apartment building, I took the stairs two and a time, idly sucking on the piece of chocolate between my teeth. Pushing the door open quietly, I slipped inside. Hoping he wouldn't hear me, I tiptoed into the kitchen, storing my chocolate safely away. A smirk crossed my face, silently padding back to the door I opened it and swung it back with some force, letting an angry growl pass my lips I stomped back into the room.

"They were out of chocolate! Matt you owe me so fucking big before I rip you limb from limb!"

"I-uh-Mello-I'm sor-"

"Don't you ever dare say that word!"

Matt shut up instantly, fear in his deep blue eyes. God he had beautiful eyes. You could easily stare right into his very being and yet know nothing of him. He was just so...sexy and I'm pretty sure he knew it. I mean who wears jeans that tight unless you want people to stare at your ass?

"Mattie, I will make you pay for this is some way, shape or form." I placed my hand on my hip. "And I mean any way I choose."

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**A/N:**

**Reviews would be welcome, chapter two should be up in a week or two. **


	2. This gun is my baby

**A/N**

**Chapter two yay! Quick update, I finished this in about 20 minutes so it may be a bit iffy.**

**I don't hate Near, I actually love him and think he's adorable ^^**

**But I do hate Linda...With a wrath that I cannot control.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note...still *Sigh***

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**Matts P.O.V**

Sleep did not come easy that night. I suppose it doesn't come easy most nights, that's the single L quality I possess...insomnia joy. Did he have a double meaning behind those words? Or was I simply imagining it? I guess it would be the latter, he doesn't know that I stare at him every single time he so much as moves. The light catching his hair still manages to make my heart stop for a fraction of a second before starting again. He's intoxicating.

Shut up Matt! Think of something other than Mello! Mario, now there's a good thought topic. Mario running, his blonde hair bouncing against his smooth-. Wrong road Matt. I pushed my cereal around the bowl, having stumbled from my bed at 6am I had given up the sleep route. I ran my fingers through my hair, letting it become more rumpled, the sunlight began to shine through the dirty glass, showing the dust mottes in the air.

Ew this place needed a good clean, it disgusts me! Mello thumped his door open an angry scowl on his face. Great, he still hasn't forgiven me. This shall be a day of icy stares and one line answers. His icy blue optics narrowed when they hit my face, folding his arms across his bare chest in Why, why, _why_ did he feel the need to walk around half naked?! Oh...that's right...pure torture. I deserve it. Casting my gaze downwards, I snapped my goggles back over my eyes trying to block out his stare. I wish he would just speak, yell his head off at me. It would be better then letting me suffer in silence. Hell I would prefer it if he hit me, but he never would. Mello never ever lifted a finger against me. Something I was completely thankful for. I had seen some of the kids come back from the nurse at Wammy's after Mello had turned them into a living punching bag. It does not look nice, the brusie on Linda's face was there for a good two weeks. I never thought Mello would hit a girl...But I've been wrong before.

"Hey-uh Mells?"

He stared down at me, the scowl lessening slightly but the anger never leaving his gaze.

"What?"

"You know I am sorry, right?"

"Yes."

"Anything I can do to make it up to you?"

"No."

I nodded once, feeling the lump in my throat. Pushing the bowl away from me I walked back to my bedroom, refusing to be under his glare anymore.

**Mello's P.O.V**

Haha, I never thought Mattie would be this much fun to play with! I'm surprised he hasn't figured it out yet, it's not like I'd hidden the chocolate well. But hey more power to me right? Still...he _did _look hurt when I told him he couldn't do anything about it. He put on his puppy face without even realising it and usually he just plays that card to get what he wants.

No, he deserves this for forgetting. Don't let him make you feel guilty Mello, guilty is not a feeling you have. I watched as he padded silently away, I stared him down until he shut his door. Maybe my glare could penetrate the wood and make him feel guilty in there as well. That would be fun. I shrugged to myself trying to push away my own guilt.

"Schadenfreude." I muttered to myself, pulling a bar of chocolate from my 'oh so secret' compartment. Quietly unwrapping the bar, I sucked on the end, reminding myself that I couldn't bite it. If Matt heard he would go off on one for lying to him. The last tantrum he pulled wasn't pretty...let's just say we had to find a new apartment, new clothes and new identities...I don't think we're welcome back in that part of town anyway. Not that I'd go back. Rod informed me yesterday that he had tracked Near down to that neighbourhood. Damn Near thinks he's God's gift.

An angry growl escaped my lips as I thought of Near. I don't want to harm him, just crush him, make him number two and see how he fares, make him have to study every waking moment until he falls asleep while walking. That's not harm is it?

Ugh so many questions. Pulling my leather on, I grabbed my gun and pushed it into the back of my trousers. That gun is my baby, I will never use another one, it's the one I first bought with my own money. I earned this gun, so at least you know when I kill you, you'll be killed by a one-of-a-kind, gun wise and human.

"Matt!" I yelled back into the flat. "I'm goin' work!"

He shouted something back in reply, but I didn't catch it, the door was already shut.

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**Haha, chapter three should be up and running soon, I hope to make this fic 50 chapters long so stay tuned!**

**I do have a lot of exams coming up so I may be absent, please don't hurt me **

**Review and I will give you all Mello's chocolate and let him give you a face kiss ^^**


	3. De'Ath

**A/N **

**Two updates in one go aren't you lucky?**

**The plot thickens and chapter four will be up today or tomorrow**

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Death Note and I don't own Dragon age either (Although I do play it allllll the time yay for girl gamers =D)**

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**Mello's P.O.V**

"Mello."

I turned to look at Rod, his gnarled face half hidden by the dark lighting of the room.

"What?" I snarled. Raising myself up to look slightly taller. I could see the flicker of fear in his face, if he was going to tell me he was leaving he would be rethinking right about now.

"I don't want to give bad news."

I folded my arms, tapping my foot with impatience. Rod seemed to have gotten the message, stumbling over his words slightly as he hurried his speech out.

"The De'Aths have left their mark just west of 4th avenue."

I froze for a moment, thinking to myself. If the De'Aths were back then Matt was in trouble, they took those closest to you and used it to destroy you like any usual mob would. I had tried to keep Matt a secret but after he successfully hacked into several high security banks the mafia took him on as the technical guy.

"...How was the mark shown?"

"Usual way, teenage girl decapitated by a rusty knife, raped and her name written in blood on the sidewalk."

"Nothing special?"

Rod shook his head and I breathed a sigh of relief, they would usually show if they were after someone. They would leave a hint to taunt you just that little bit more. Pulling my gun out, I flashed my men a smile. I could see them all tense up. Did they think I would shoot them or something? After Mark was killed I think I scared them enough...especially as I never cleaned up his body. It's still there, but not a single person goes down those tunnels. The smell alone would make my strongest men retch, I did go down there but only to prove I could wipe the floor with all of them in any circumstance.

The stocky leader of the De'Ath's face floated into my mind, my own face narrowing at the thought. Clicking my firing hammer into place, I smiled once more.

"Let's go hunt some rats."

**Matt's P.O.V**

I fell to my knees, my hands twisted up in a shock of red hair. Goddamn it Mello why do you leave right before I have to say something? I know you heard me call you and I know you didn't come back to hear what it was. Second smartest, you would be first if you had an ounce of patience in that mind trap you call a body.

Do you even care about what I yelled? Yes it was pretty standard but I worry about you Mello, even if you can't know that. If you knew just how much it frightens me when you return to that hell hole of a base, I hope it would make you hesitate even if only for a second. But no, Linda couldn't stop you, L couldn't stop you, Watari couldn't stop you and I know I can't stop you.

I just dread the day when you come home with a gaping hole in your chest because you miscalculated, you reacted too slow and the searing pain of lead is the reminder of your failure. But you can never know how much I worry about you.

You would find it weird and shun me. Gay's are not allowed in your line of work. I don't begrudge you that work I know you love it so much, the smile you show when you've had a good day, makes me laugh harder than I thought possible.

Sighing I padded back out to the living room, hoping to lose myself in a good RPG. Running my fingers over the rack of games I pulled out Dragon age: Origins. Slipping the disk into the x-box, I fired it up. Contented to waste a few hours trying to slay the arch demon on expert mode, I barely even noticed the squeal of tires outside or the heavy footsteps up the apartment staircase. I only turned in time to see three looming figures smash the door open and throw a heavy object at my head.

A sickening crack rebounded off the walls as I fell into unconsciousness.


	4. Cassandra

**A/N:**

**I was listening to All time Low today and it gave me this idea so thank you very much to them.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note**

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**-And maybe it's not my weekend but this could be my year; ATL Weightless**

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**Mello's P.O.V**

It wasn't hard to locate the mark that they'd left. In fact it was pretty damn obvious. The place was swarmed with police, yellow tape and nosey people just trying to catch a glimpse of what's going on. People are like parasites, they see police and gather in the area just to satisfy their own needs. Disgusting, they should all be killed. Wait do I sound like Kira? Is this what Kira thinks? Calm down Mello, you have to distract the police.

For people who enforce the law they sure are stupid son's of bitches. It only took a few of my lackeys to send them running down the street in pure terror along with the groups of people.

I stifled a laugh at their intelligence. Slipping a bar of chocolate from my leather, I took a bite. The loud snap startled some of the men who had remained, their eyes darting around the place. I scowled at them, bending down to examine what was left of the body.

They certinatly weren't kind to this girl. I kicked her body over, the blood staining my shoe. Wrinkling my nose in disgust, I ran my eyes over her form. She was small, perhaps even pretty at some point, but it was hard to see without her head. Most of her clothes were now scarlet, the flannel shirt completely crimson. I think it may have been white at some point or another, but that doesn't matter now does it? A glint in her shirt pocket made me pluck a object from her. I turned it over in my palm, I knew what it was. Only a cigarette packet, but I opened it none the less. Tipping the contents into my hands, I stared at it. Lost for words for once in my life.

Every single cigarette was broken.

"No." I whispered, by calm demeanor breaking. "Fuck!"

The last word turned into a scream. I knew what had happened and they better pray he was returned before I got hold of them.

**Matt's P.O.V**

"Mmfhh!"

The words were cut off, I tried harder to speak before I realised there was a rag in my mouth. My head swam and I could feel a sticky substance running down my face. Good thing the room was dark otherwise what I could see would be spinning, I tried to turn my head, desperate to see where I was, but a shot of pain made me stop. Oh dear God I think my head is cracked open.

I attempted to put my hand on my head to see the damage...or at least feel, but I couldn't raise my arms. Cord bound them behind my back, knotting the rope at the base of the wooden chair I was sitting on.

"Mpffhph."

I struggled to spit the cloth out. It was the one thing I'd seen in movies and always wondered why they didn't just spit it back out, Now I know. It's damn well impossible.

"Looks like he's awake."

I could almost hear the smile that was placed on the face, as quiet footsteps approached the chair that I was strapped to.

"Well hello there."

The fakeness in the voice sent an involuntary shiver down my spine. C'mon Matt be strong you can beat this guy, it's all mind game. I placed a wobbly smile on my own features.

"Hello."

"What's your name princesses?"

"Cassandra."

"Awww don't play coy, but if Cassandra is your choice I'll call you Cassie for short." Something steel connected with my cheek, my teeth accidentally sinking into the soft flesh inside my mouth. I spat out blood at his feet.

"That one was a warning, any more cheek and you'll be begging for death."

"Bite me bastard."

He chuckled softly. His hands twisting themselves in my hair, forcing my head back to look at him.

"Oh you'll be wishing I had."

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**A/N: Oh dear I feel terrible for Matt and my God the chapters just keep getting shorter and shorter Eugh D:**

**Reviews are most apprecitated and I would love one **

**And the song lyric is relevant for...later, I put it in now as I would forget later. **

**Next chapter up in a few days most likely.**


	5. Please God have mercy

**A.N:**

**Warning this chapter contains elements of emotional and physical torture and will get progressivly worse from here.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note or X-box/games mentioned**

**Reviews would be loved ^^**

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**Mello's P.O.V**

The splintered door was hanging on it's hinges when I arrived. Flakes of paint had trailed down the hallway, showing a clear path of where these _people_ had been.

I stepped into the small flat on my own. I left my men outside, after all if something had happened to Matt, my mask would break and I would crumble. I cannot allow them to see that, but luckily for me there was nothing. Nothing at all but a faint blood stain on the rug. Blood?! I took a deep breath calming myself until I could see things rationally.

They always left a hint, they'll show me where they took him. But nothing was different, absolutely nothing. That word was driving me insane, how can there be nothing?! I sat down, slowly trailing my finger over the blood stain. I could smell Matt, cigarettes, grapefruit and something that was entirely his own. I inhaled once more, taking in his scent.

Sighing, I glanced around the room. Matt had left his games out. Again. Seriously Mello what is wrong with you? You're becoming soft, not taking action and now complaining to yourself that he's left his games out, when far worse is probably happening to him. Pull yourself together!

I placed his controller back on his X-box, tidying the stack of games. It was pretty standard stuff:

Battlefield: Bad company 2

Resident evil 5

Operation darkness

Overlord

Kingdom under fire

Left 4 dead 2

Yager

Need for speed: Shift

But that's what Matt liked, shoot 'em up's and run away in a stolen car. Still he usually kept his games in alphabetical order, it was slightly bizarre that they were even all out. I ran my finger down the spine. B.R.O.O.K.L.Y.N. How the hell did I miss that?!

I stood up faster than I thought possible, grabbing a few spare bullets on my way out the door, anger etched into my face. Now they were taunting and you do not make Mello angry unless you want to die.

**Matt's P.O.V**

My eyes shot open. Oh please make it stop! Mello was always praying to God, clutching his rosary close to his chest as he muttered the same words over and over. I never understood why, but I did now, I really did.

When he first came out I couldn't pinpoint what he had in his hand, the smell was horrible, but I could put up with it. Before I identified what it was.

"Well look princess, we have a treat!" He must have seen the fear in my eyes, but I held my tongue not wanting to give him the satisfaction. He removed the stopped, the pungent stench becoming overwhelming, my eyes watering. He dipped a cotton bud into it. Cutting off my shirt as he waited for it to soak up an adequate amount.

Sodium hydroxide dripped onto the floor as he lifted it from the container. He smirked lightly before writing some words on my chest.

It burned so bad, I couldn't stop the cry of pain that passed my lips. It felt like fire...fire would've been a preference. I could feel my skin bubble and blister against the acidic substance. I hope I didn't get necrosis from this that would make it unbearable.

I couldn't think, I couldn't feel. My mind was just a wave of pain that I could not control. Tears sprung to my eyes and I could not stop them from spilling onto my cheeks.

"Awww, looks like you're enjoying that...let's see what else we have."

I couldn't see what he was holding, it was white, glowing faintly in the darkness. He covered his finger in the solid and pressed it into the chemical burn on my chest.

I screamed in pain.

"W-what is that?"

"Salt princess, just plain old salt."

I shuddered, bracing myself for what I knew was coming. He smirked and pressed the whole lot onto the scared skin of my front.

My mind exploded. Pain coursing through my veins. I might have screamed, I can't remember, it just hurt so much. I can barely even explain.

I just prayed for it to stop. Prayed for it to end and if there was a God, let him take mercy on me, please have mercy.

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**A.N:**

**I feel bad for Matt. I took the idea of acid torture from a roleplay with a friend. Yes I have a sick mind and it will get worse =]**

**I may be absent as I found out today that my grandad had a stroke, I'll update when possible but please forgive any long absences.**

**Note: Narcosis is tissue damange...I looked it up and it's pretty nasty, the photos made me feel ill. Yes Sodium Hydroxide does cause chemical burns and can peel away layers of skin causing perminant scarring.**


	6. Do I pay too much attention?

**A.N:**

**Yes I realise that I did reference B quite a lot, most of it was purely coincidental. Let me assure you B will not be appearing in the fic, although he may in flashback or whatever.**

**Warning: Torture and death follow quite a lot after this chapter.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death note But I plan to someday**

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**Mello's P.O.V**

My motorbike screamed to a stop underneath Brooklyn bridge. I don't know where in Brooklyn he was, but this seemed like a good place to start. I'd sent Rod and some others hunting around the rest of the area.

I told them to leave no one alive if he was found (Apart from Matt of course). I can't remember the last time I felt so...scared. Usually it's just anger and laughter...this feels weird...I don't like it.

I climbed off the bike, placing the kickstand up. I could see the shipping containers, hundreds of them. Think Mello they would've given you a number clue in the games.

I added the numbers on the cases in my head. 13. No that can't be right, one of the numbers was further back than the other, making it a multiply or divide. But 13 cannot be divided by anything so by that thinking it had to be multiply. So it would be...32.

I gripped my gun tightly in my hand.

Either way I would check out both. If I was wrong, then it's time to read more into it. Or maybe I'm already reading too much into it.

Don't question yourself, that makes you jumpy. I forced myself to walk down the dusty track towards the containers. The sunlight was hot on my back, but that was something I could not control. Stepping into the shadows of the containers, I read the number pasted to the front of one of them in tacky white stickers.

17865.

Great. I'm on the wrong side. I sighed and began to walk through the maze of products that remained tinned inside metal boxes.

Humans seem to buy a bunch of crap that they don't even need then wonder why the planet is dying. Do they understand the concept of 'Making more shit give off poisonous shit that makes the planet shit.' But when they try to act like their doing their bit makes me laugh the most. _'Oh I bought a new S.U.V. but that's ok because I recycle my newspaper every morning.'_ I know, it's not like me to give a damn about this sort of thing, seeing as though Kira will kill me any day now, but without this world who would I kill?

Ok that was some twisted logic, but it was right.

I looked up through my bangs to check a number on the tin box once more.

17801.

This is going to take a long time.

**Matt's P.O.V**

"You want it to stop?" He leaned closer to my ear, his hot breath making my hair move. "Beg for it."

I stared at him or what I could see of him. I tried to lean forwards but the constant burning in my chest made me stop, the rope cutting deep red grooves into my wrists as I tried to free my hands. Oh God I wanted to punch him.

"C'mon puppy, beg for mercy."

"Go to hell." I murmured.

His fist connected with the right side of my face. I could feel my eye swelling shut after the pressure of the blow. I bit my lip to stop the yelp of pain, but I must have bitten too hard because seconds later I could taste the metallic tang of blood in my mouth.

He muttered something under his breath as I tried to steady my breathing. Someone else padded over to him, pressing an object into his hand, he murmured his thanks and turned back to me.

He held it up, it flashed in the faint light that managed to sneak through gaps in the walls. He jammed it into my upper arm, twisting it until he hit my muscle. Then slowly dragged it down until he met the crevice of my elbow.

Blood flowed openly from the wound, my head becoming hazy. It was so hard to keep myself from yelling when he did that, but luckily for me it was getting harder to focus and the pain was numbing.

"Stupid scalpel." He muttered, throwing it backwards. "Can't even make him scream."

For some reason I began to laugh. It was wheezy and quiet, but I couldn't stop the laughter from spilling over my lips. I realised that I didn't care about life and death anymore, if I was going to die then so be it. Was I going insane? Am I turning into B? No. I wasn't, but dying while laughing seems like a good way to go and at least if I'm laughing then the pain stops.

He picked up a heavy metal object, smashing my around the head with it. If this is death then it sure is easy. I don't even feel pain anymore.

"Matt! You BASTARD WHAT DID YOU DO!"

I sighed, such a sweet voice, broken up with gunshots. Gunshots? Maybe heaven is a game...or I'm going to hell and guns would be rampant there anyway. The ropes were cut away, my arms coming free, no that they'd be much use. A stab of pain ran down my arm.

I'm not dead. You can't feel pain when you're dead. Then what the hell...

"Matt c'mon wake up! Don't you dare die on me."

This voice sounds so distraught, cool fingers gently lifted my head up. I smiled idly, letting whoever it was know I was alive.

I opened my eye, blonde hair shadowing the features. I lifted my arm stroking the face.

"M-mello?"

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**A.N: Dun dun daaaa. **

**Haha nothing's better than a fic written two minutes after you wake up.**

**New chapter up tomorrow most likely, maybe tonight if I get bored and want to write. =D**


	7. Protection

**A.N: Awww Mattie's been discovered but will he be ok?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note =[**

**Cookies to all who review :3**

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**Matt's P.O.V**

"Matt, stay with me Matt."

Mello gently pulled me from the chair, onto his lap.

"Fuck, what happened?"

I stared at him in disbelief. Now I know I'd gone mad, retreated into my own mind for comfort. There was no way in hell Mello would be like this...ever. I said nothing and let my eyes swivel around the room. Corpses were scattered around the room, bright sunlight bursting in through the open door.

"Matt!" He took my shoulders and shook me carefully. I flickered my eyes back up to his face. He looked so worried, pain splayed out on his features. I smiled lightly.

"Hey..."

He sighed in relief, leaning backwards.

"H-how did you find me."

Mello grinned, his face lighting up. His whole body untensed as he flicked his golden bangs from his eyes.

"Magic."

I stuck my tongue out, wincing as pain shot through me. Mello noticed my flinch as the worry returned to his face.

"We need to get you to hospital."

"Not yet, it hurts to move. Just wait until it stops a bit."

He nodded once, clearly not amused at the situation but did as I wanted. That was a surprise. He never does what I want...I guess I look really bad.

I ran my eyes back around the room and I saw what would happen before it did.

A corpse on the floor picked up his gun and aimed it for Mello.

I pushed Mello backwards as the gun was cocked.

The resounding echo of the shot bounced off the walls as a large piece of metal buried itself in my chest. The force made me fall backwards, searing pain in my chest, like a thousand knives of fire.  
Mello immediately pulled his gun out, shooting the man between the eyes, his brain splattering on the metal wall behind him. I placed my hand on the gaping hole in my chest trying to stem the flow of blood that was running relentlessly down my chest.

"Matt!"

Mello caught me as I sank to the floor, my form shaking.

"What were you thinking?"

"I-I wasn't Mells...I love you."

His eyes widened slightly as blackness took my vision.

**Mello's P.O.V**

"Matt! MATT!"

He wasn't responding. Oh fuck, fuck, fuck fuckkkk! I pulled out my phone, dialling the first number I saw, screaming at them to bring someone to help.

I pressed my hand to the wound, trying to stop the blood from flowing anymore than it already was. Matt had gone pale, a startling contrast against his hair.

"Matt don't die, don't die..." I pressed harder on the wound.

He said he loved me, is he delusional? Or is he serious or did he mean like a brother? Why was I so upset that he might be dying? I shouldn't give two fucks about anything. Maybe, did I love him back? Of course I loved him like a brother...but was this more than that?

I pushed my thoughts aside desperately trying to stop Matt from bleeding, |I barely noticed as I was pushed aside and Matt was taken from me. I only realised what was happening when I was put into a car and a bar of chocolate was pressed into my hands. An elderly gentleman smiled to me.

"We'll take care of him Mello, he'll be fine." I looked up.

"Watari? What are you doing here?"

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**A.N: Haha I love Watari, he's so epic I had to put him in here somewhere ^^**

**Will Matt live? Maybe I'm just mean enough to kill him and yaoi is between Mello and Watari...man that would be hot xD**


	8. Stop being a jackass

**A.N**

**I'm sorry to say that updates will be lacking next week as I have work experience. I leave for work at 6am and will not return until 5pm and after a full day of manual labour can you blame me if I'm too tired to write?**

**If I feel up to it I will update as the plot bunny has been very kind and given me oodles of ideas, which is good because I didn't know where the hell this was going until this morning, I was just throwing words together and hoping that they fitted xD**

**L babies to all who review ^^**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, but when the world is mine I shall :)**

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**Matt's P.O.V**

_Beep...beep...beep_

Ugh that noise was annoying, there must be a way to turn it off. But I couldn't seem to lift my arm to hunt for the device that would stop it. I tried again but to no avail.

Maybe if I could see it I could motion for someone to turn it off. I tried to open my eyes. They were so heavy and refused to do what I wanted. It's ok, I could put up with the noise, I could just go to sleep...that seems like a good idea.

"Will he be ok?" A low voice murmured.

"We think so, we had to put him into an induced coma to help him heal, but he'll have permanent scarring and most likely become very nervous around people."

The male muttered something in reply and sat down with a thump. I could feel his cold hand grasp mine as the female made her excuses and left.

"Matt, I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have gotten you into this mess. It's all my fault." His voice was choked and if I didn't know better I would say he was crying. I wanted to reach up and hug him, tell him not to blame himself. It was my fault for agreeing to go in the mafia with him anyway. I wanted to hold him close and dry his tears and tell him he's being stupid for letting himself feel this guilty.

"A-and I guess you can't hear me, so no matter how many times I apologise it won't make a differance...but you said you loved me..."

Damn I had said that out loud?

"...And I can't believe it took me this long to realise that I love you to."

Something soft touched my cheek, before he sighed and wriggled around in the seat, obviously trying to get comfortable. His breathing slowly eased, becoming steady and light. I think he fell asleep, I think I should too. Put that little statement that made my heart race to the back of my mind and just sink into nothingness. I just hoped nothingness would come fast because mind was going into hyper drive.

**Mello's P.O.V**

"Mello?"

I opened my eyes for a moment.

"What is it Watari?"

The old man sat next to me, his hand resting on my shoulder. I'm glad he was the first number on my phone, he was always calm in a crisis and had managed to stop me killing several people.

"L has requested that you leave the mafia for your safety."

I opened my mouth to speak and then shut it again. I couldn't refuse an order from L, but there was no way in hell I was giving up a position I'd worked so hard for.

"No." I replied through gritted teeth. Watari blinked in surprise, nodding once.

"As you wish, but you know he won't give up on it."

"Looks like he'll have to."

His hand left my shoulder and quiet footsteps showed that he'd left the room. Good. I wanted to be alone. I flickered my eyes back to Matt, he had tubes and needles in every part of his body that was accessible. He barely looked like the same person, his face was swollen with cuts, grazes,brusies and bumps. Luckily for me I didn't see his chest, I heard the nurse whispering to her friend that it put his face to shame.

I gripped his hand tighter. Perhaps through sheer force of will he would get through this, my other hand clutched my rosary. I didn't know what else to do, I just murmured words to him, hoping he would understand what a jackass I'd been. Although I could practically hear his voice in my head 'It's not your fucking fault Mello now stop beating yourself up!' I smiled at the thought, nothing was ever my fault when it came to Matt, he would always find someone else to blame it on. Even if they were nowhere near me he could convince Roger that they did something to set me off. I would never find someone else like Matt, he trusted me entirely. Which is not a good idea, third smartest in Wammy's and that is what he does. Seriously.

Maybe, just maybe he will turn back to the person he was before this happened. I said nothing and began to pray inside my head.


	9. Thirteen again

A.N:

Sorry for the lack of update yesterday, I got home from work and just...passed out until the next day. However, this chapter is shorter than usual but I really wanted to write it and because of certain points in it I thought it should be shorter than usual.

Disclaimer: I do not own Death note or Tegan and Sara (No matter how awesome they are ')

Reviews would make me love you a lot. (And that's a lot of love ^^')

**

* * *

I felt you in my life**  
**Before I ever thought to**  
**Feel the need to lay down**  
**Beside you**  
**And tell you**  
**I feel you in my heart,**  
**And I don't even know you**

**Tegan and Sara - Nineteen  
**

* * *

**Matt's P.O.V**

"Nguh..."

Owwwww, why does this hurt so much suddenly? I lifted my hand to swat at burning pain in my upper arm.

"Oh no you don't."

I opened my eyes, the bright sunlight blinding me briefly. Something warm gripped my hand gently, lowering it back down. I blinked through the sunlight, forcing my eyes to focus. Mello? What was he doing here? I thought he would've left to keep himself safe. He smirked, leaning back in his chair.

"You need those tubes in you, ya know."

Tubes? What was he talking-. I looked down, my whole body covered in tubes and various other devices. Yeah, ok...maybe it's better if these do stay in.

"You stayed?" It took me a minute to get the words out, my tongue not wanting to work.

"Yes." Oh god, one word answers, he wasn't still pissed about the chocolate? He must've seen me tense up for a moment because he immediately said: "I've been here for five days Mattie I wasn't about to leave you today."

"Five...days?"

He nodded once, his icy blue eyes narrowing slightly. He gripped the chair tighter until his knuckles stood stark white against the deep brown of the wood.

"What's wrong?"

He snapped back to reality, releasing the chair (I was surprised it didn't shatter under that grip!) he applied a smile to his face once more.

"Nothing's wrong, I promise."

I nodded once more, talking was tiring but I could easily stay awake for a little while longer. He got the message that I knew where I was and what had happened, I looked up at the drip ping down my arm. Wasn't there supposed to be morphine in that, or am I just immune now? Probably the latter, cause my body felt like it was on fire. Mello leant forwards resting his head on my bed like an eager child.

"Matt?"

"Yeah?"

"What's it like in a coma?"

I thought back, I couldn't really remember much, just feeling very sleepy and knowing I had to stay awake. I smiled suddenly, recalling something I probably shouldn't know about.

"Lets see, well for one thing, people can hear."

He nodded calmly for a moment and then he must've had the same thought process as me because he stumbled back, his eyes wide.

"You didn't hear-"

"Yup."

He groaned, burying his face in his hands. I felt a flicker of amusement in my stomach. It's not often I get to win when Mello's around, so this was pure bliss.

"Calm down Mells, otherwise they'll kick you out for being a drama queen."

He wailed louder for a moment, before sitting up a smile on his face. He stuck his tongue out at me a glint in his eye. He crept forwards, pushing himself to his feet he stood over me.

**Mello's P.O.V**

"Mello what are you-"

Matt looked mildly frightened no...more wary, of what I was going to to next. I smiled, placing my hands on either side of him, careful to avoid the plastic that was strewn across him.

I pressed my lips to his gently. Only for a moment before I pulled away. Surprisingly he didn't taste of cigarettes, but then again he hadn't had one in over five days. I didn't stay there long enough to savour it, but Matt blushed, a light red hue blemishing the tops of his cheeks. He was like a,little girl getting her first kiss.

"You-I-what-" He stuttered for a moment. I waited until he could spit his words out. "What the hell was that?"

I shifted from foot to foot.

"I wanted to try it, but I wasn't sure if you-"

I was cut off as he grabbed me by the front of my shirt and pulled me back to his lips.


	10. MotherMello

**A.N **

**^^' I apoligise for the delay, I had some issues with my work experiance which resulted in a very injured horse and a girl with a broken wrist (Luckily for me I was invovled in either one) But I had a lot of paperwork to deal with...joy.**

**So here's a late update, I did have difficulties with Mello this time around so tell me what y'all think and I will marry you :D**

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**Matt's P.O.V**

He pulled away, gasping for air. Releasing the grip on his short I fell backwards, the pillows deflating as my weight hit them. I said nothing, although I was faintly aware that I was trembling. Would he be mad at me? No he couldn't be he started it anyway. Besides I'm 'sick'...I tried to stop the grin growing on my face. Apparently I failed because Mello rose an eyebrow at me, placing his hand on his skinny hip.

"What?"  
"Nothing, nothing..."  
I must be bad at lying because he stuck his tongue out at me as he rummaged around in his pockets for a bar of chocolate. Snapping a piece off for himself, he sat his form on the floor, staring at me.  
I looked away, the familiar burning sensation in my cheeks reappearing. He noticed anyway...I don't know why I tried to hide it. He smirked but remained silent, it was like we had a connection, where words were not needed. We used to have it, years and years ago at Wammy's. Whenever Mello would drag me into trouble, we could communicate by saying nothing at all. Literally whole schemes without uttering a word...we lost that when he left. I didn't realise how much I missed it until a few moments ago.

Damn it Mello! I swear he's doing this on purpose...running his tongue over his lips, trailing his fingers over his thighs. He's just being a complete porn star in the middle of a hospital. I don't think he even realises he's doing it...Well he probably does, but would never admit that. He's just trying to wind me up, 'cause he knows I can't get out of bed...I hate that it's working.  
...He knows it's working...He's started to laugh.

"Mello..."  
He flicked his eyes to my face, making them large and innocent.  
"What?"  
I sighed.  
"Nothing."  
The nurse bustled back in, checking my vitals. She frowned at my increase in my blood pressure in the last few minutes. I said nothing, only smiling idly. She would never know what happened.

**Mello's P.O.V**

I wanted him so bad, it almost hurt. Leather pants are far too revealing, so I began swapping my position every few minutes in an attempt to cover my...yeah with my hands. He's too goddamn innocent for his own good, but that innocence...it will be mine, just wait.  
Watari came back in after the nurse left, stating something along the lines of 'L has no more strawberries so super Watari must save the day!' apologise and left us for good.  
That's fine by me, Matt's all the company I needed. But he did look very tired and I didn't let him rest exactly.  
Standing up I ruffled his scarlet hair with a smile.  
"Sleep." I ordered, ignoring the whines of protests that emitted from his mouth. I folded my arms. "Now."  
"No fair." He muttered, but he yawned and settled down properly. God I feel like a fucking mother, pretty soon I'll be wearing an apron and calling the children in for homemade apple pie.  
I laughed at my train of thought, that is why I should always be occupied, otherwise images like that pop into my head...It's quite disturbing actually. Matt stared at me like I was insane (Not that he's wrong there). He looked so confused, I think the reality of what had happened in the last few hours/days had finally hit him, as he struggled to analyse everything.  
"Sleep." I said again, pressing my lips gently to his once more. "Or I'll make you pass out."  
I grinned and winked at him, he seemed to get the message and snuggled down, dozing off in a matter of seconds.


	11. Dawn or Dusk

**A.N:**

**I appreciate the kind words you all sent my through my PM =D**

**Chapters will be a bit short for a while and I will begin updating daily from today as my work experiance is over.**

**This is the shortest one I've written, but I was nice and left you on a cliffhanger ;)**

**Review please ^^**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note...I do own the sexy hospital they're in though ;)**

* * *

**Mello's P.O.V**

It took two weeks to get Matt out of bed.

Although he could only amble around his room for a bit before going incredibly pale, it was a start. On the third day I ran home for a shower, dragging his laptop back with me. He kept twitching his hands because he had nothing to fill them and his lack of nicotine was making him grouchy. He kept asking me to smuggle him some cigarettes, but I refused. That would just make him worse.  
We barely spoke, only a few murmured words and nothing more. I kept my distance from him, I didn't want to make him suffer any more, although I noticed him beginning to withdraw into himself. I'm not sure if anyone else did but it was tiny things like, pulling his legs behind him when people came in or fiddling with his hair until it hung over his eyes.  
I'd lost track of how long he's been here, I rarely left them room apart from showers, clothes, chocolate and stuff Matt wanted, like his goggles. I bit my lip, I was getting more and more worried about him. "Mello?"  
"Mmm?"  
"Pass me the laptop."  
I nodded handing him the device, he seemed agitated. I picked up my stuff.  
"I'm gunna go for a shower."  
Matt nodded, not even taking his eyes off the screen.  
"See ya."  
I clicked the door shut behind me, wondering what on earth was going through his mind.

**Matt's P.O.V**

Mello, Mello, Mello.  
This is all my brain has been thinking about for the last God knows how long. I can't keep track of time as there's no clock and the blinds are always shut. Hell I can't even tell if it's day or night right now.  
I don't think he wants to speak to me. He doesn't even look at me...did I imagine everything?  
No there are somethings I can't imagine...video games have ruined my creativity. But that moment...I can't of imagined something so...I can't even think of words for it.  
I hopped off my bed, grimacing slightly in pain, but I brushed it off. I began to pace the room, waiting for Mello to return.  
It felt like an eternity until the door handle clicked, Mello walked back in his blonde hair plastered to his face.  
He blinked at me for a solid ten seconds.  
"Matt what're you?"  
I said nothing, pushing him against the door, holding his wrists above his head, my mouth pressed to his. My tongue asking for access to his mouth which he granted. He kissed me back with intensity, battling against me for dominance, but for once I wasn't going down without a fight.


	12. Innocence is key

**A.N**

**Warning: Mild Lemon...lets call it an orange, will happen in this chapter!**

**Ew I felt so squicky writing this, it's not like me to write filth, so tell me if I did good or not by reviewing -Thumbs up;**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death note otherwise there would be many scenes like this ;)**

**

* * *

**

**Matt's P.O.V**

Mello squirmed against the hold I had on him. I think I surprised him with how strong I was, but I kept my grip. He smiled against my lips, as I ran my spare hand down his body.  
I pulled away, moving to his neck instead. I gently bit the pale skin, he breathed deeply a soft moan coming from his lips.  
I drifted my hand over his leather pants, he bit his lip to stop himself from making any noise. but he couldn't stop himself from arching his back ever so slightly when I finally touched his hard on. Leather pants must be so constricting, hell it must be painful like that.  
I unzipped his pants and he let out a sigh of relief. Yup it was hurting him.

I let go of his wrists and he let them drop by his waist. He was breathing deeply as I began to stroke his cock. He was muttering a few words that I could not hear, although it was probably nonsense anyway. I was confused myself, it's not like me to act this way. Am I losing my mind? Well if I am I'm going to enjoy it.  
Smiling to myself, Mello pushed me to my knees. I immediately knew what he wanted but I wasn't just going to give it to him. I stared up at him making the best use of my eyes, I've been told I can win anyone over with these bad boys and believe me I use it. I tilted my head to the left, grinning.  
"What?"  
He said nothing, but gave me a look that sent shivers through my body. I blinked again, arranging my face to look confused.  
"Matt, please."  
The last word came out as a whine. Smiling wider I realised that I had made Mello beg. Wow, he must really want this. I gave the tip a tentative lick. I'd never done this before and was slightly unsure of what I was doing, but hey I could always learn.

I ran my tongue along the length, he shivered and twisted his hands up in my hair, his breathing ragged. I finally took him into my mouth, he placed his hand on the back of my head, goading me on. Grazing my teeth lightly along the underside, he moaned quietly. I looked up, a light red hue had invaded his cheeks, his eyes were closed. I picked up the pace ever so slightly, he bit his lip, blood oozing from his mouth as his teeth slit the delicate skin.

"M-Matt.." He tensed up and could sense what was going to happen, but I didn't stop, I made myself go faster still. His back arched as he released himself into my mouth. I swallowed until he had finished, he slid down the wall, his body hitting the floor. I stood up, saying nothing, but I suddenly realised how much pain I was in, I guess the moment had helped me look pass it. But now my chest, arms and legs were burning so intensely I thought I might faint. Stumbling over to my bed I collapsed on top of it. Mello hadn't moved, only readjusted himself. He was still panting, finally he looked up and grinned to me.  
"Have you done that before?"  
I shook my head and for once Mello looked genuinely surprised.  
"Really? You're good at it..."  
I smiled as Mello zipped himself back up, fluffing his damp hair up.  
"...I think I need another shower..."  
I made a face and he sighed.  
"Fine I'll stay for a bit, but if you fall asleep I'm going for a shower."  
I managed to stay awake for thirty minutes.

**Mello's P.O.V**

What in God's name had just happened? I left the room when Matt fell asleep, like I told him I would. But Matt would never spring something like that on me. Besides he got me to beg. Me! The world has officially gone upside down. I do not submit to anyone no matter how ill they are. I shot a man dying of cancer without a second thought before. So why did I let Matt get the better of me?

...I know why I let him, it's because I love him and didn't want to cause him more pain. But damn it next time he was not going to get the better of me. Mello does not come second...and if he does then he fights his way out of it. Oh great now I'm referring to myself in third person, this has really fucked me up. I pulled out a bar of chocolate, the familiar taste on my tongue calming me down in an instance.

Still...when Matt gets better, it's pay back time.


	13. I'm always nice

**A.N**

**Short chapter is short D:**

**xD This does have a plot I'm just tyring to figure out the best way to make it happen =]**

**Review for cookies and rape**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death note...but I do own it on DVD and manga =D**

* * *

**Mello's P.O.V**

Matt was still asleep when I got back. He was sprawled out on his bed, one arm above his head and breathing deeply. I took a seat besides him, playing with my damp fringe.  
My phone beeped, I reached into my pocket, flipping it open in my hand.  
'7:30 $1000' Was displayed on the screen, I sighed, twining my fingers together. I didn't want to do this anymore. No one knew what I did...I didn't even need the money...I just kept going with it. I was a man whore and all I know is that now I didn't want to do it any longer.  
I ran my finger over the call button for a moment before pressing it. It was picked up almost immediately.  
"Hello?"  
"Rod, take a hit out on David Foster."  
There was a pause on the other end of the line.  
"Chairman of the FBI?"  
"Yes"  
"Done"  
I cut the call off. Problem solved. Tomorrow his death would be all over the news most likely blamed on Kira. In this climate it was easy to get off scott free and it was all he fucking deserved. He was supposed to be 'happily' married and yet he was a fucking closet homo who hires prostitutes. I laughed to myself, I was judging this guy? I was the slut he hired, I'm definitely no better.

Matt mumbled something in his sleep, sighing with content he turned over. I watched him amused. He opened one eye, his piercing blue gaze staring right at me.  
"Mells?...You watchin' me sleep?"  
"What do you think?" I retorted.  
"Ahhh Mello's returned." He shot back, peeling the bandage off the top of his arm. I got a glimpse of a deep cut, perfectly straight.  
"Matt...you never did tell me what they did."  
"It doesn't matter..."  
"Yes it does."  
"...Scalpel." He murmured, shivering lightly. He looked so scared, I climbed onto his bed, wrapping my arms around his waist. He was so fragile, almost like he might break. He said nothing of my sudden movements, just burying his head into my neck for comfort. "And Mello's disappeared again." He muttered.  
"Who is this stranger that's so nice?"  
"I'm always nice."  
He made a skeptical noise.  
"Ok...maybe I'm not...I'm a bastard, but I care about you Matt."  
He looked up, blinking.  
"You do?"  
I nodded, pressing my lips to his forehead.  
I really do."

**Matt's P.O.V**

This is...weird. Mello is being so nice its almost scary. I think he feels bad about what happened, not that I blame him of course. When I game I get into a bubble and if I wasn't in that bubble I would've noticed...so it's my fault.  
I want to tell him that, but I'm not brave enough, he would just insist that it was his fault and beat himself up over it. That's why I did what I did, to try and make him forget...even if it only lasted for twenty minutes. I settled down, resting my head on his chest, I could hear his heartbeat steadily. It was surprisingly soothing.  
"Mello?"  
"Yeah?"  
"When am I able to get out of here?"  
"They said when the burns on your chest heal a bit more, give it a few more days and you should be ok to leave."  
He nodded once, running a finger along the top of his arm where the new scar was forming.  
"Can't wait." I replied smiling.


	14. Silver

**A.N**

**Haha late update today, sorry my dearies =]**

**Ok, I know that for a few chapters not much as happened, I'm trying (and most likely failing) To show the growth of their relationship as I don't want this to be a 'OMG LUST 4 BUTTSECKS NOAW!!!111!!!one!!!' kinda thing**

**Read and review ;)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death note, I do have skittles though :3**

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**Mello's P.O.V**

I rolled my eyes as Matt squealed in delight at the sight of his games. He was finally told he could after a month of intensive treatment. he insisted we should get home as soon as possible. Figures, he only had his PSP DS and laptop when he was in hospital...I bet he was going nuts. He immediately dislodged himself from my arm (I was kind enough to support him up the stairs.) and practically ran across the room, plonking himself on the floor in front of the T.V screen.  
"Nerd." I scoffed.  
"Slut." He retorted.  
I scowled falling backwards onto the couch, my legs hanging over the arm. Matt had already managed to start up the console, insert a game and begin loading up where he had left off. It was almost funny how absorbed he was, but I wasn't going to take it from him, even though the doctor had ordered him to only use his games for two hours maximum, I wasn't going to destroy his happiness. He could game for as long as he wanted...well at least until nightfall, but that was a good eight hours away.  
He tapped aggressively on the control pad, occasionally letting out a grunt of triumph as he won against another hardcore boss the first time around. He

finished the first game in three hours flat. I dragged him to his feet before he could even consider starting another game.  
"Have to change your bandages." He whined, trying to pull away and get back to his game.  
"Stop behaving like a little bitch and stay the fuck still!"  
I peeled his T-shirt from him. His body was racked with scars, little and huge. He refused to walk in front of a mirror if he had his shirt off claiming that he was 'hideous'. It didn't matter when I told him I didn't care, he was so hung up on it. I unwound the bandage around his chest, the angry red mess that the acid had left behind was still very much apparent.

He turned his head to look away as I wrapped a fresh bandage around him. Tucking the end in I smiled lightly, handing him back his T-shirt.  
"All better."  
I placed a chaste kiss on his lips before walking away. Leaving him to slip his shirt back on, it took a few moment for him to finally rejoin me in the front room.

To say our relationship had grown was an understatement. We had both decided that we were officially dating and even though I refused to go...all the way with him in his current state I learned so much more about him then I ever thought possible. Even though I knew him the best to begin with, I never realised that Matt was such a closed book. I mean until yesterday I didn't know that his favourite colour was silver...when always talked, but never _talked_. It's going to take me a while to get everything out of him....

**Matt's P.O.V**

_Left, left, left, X,Y, B, B, B, Boom head shot!_  
My chest was itching so bad, it's putting me off the game. I just want to scratch it, but the last time Mello caught me doing that he slapped me upside the head with a look of murder on his face...I haven't itched it since.  
I fucking hate hate hate the scar it's going to leave. Disfiguring me and I know I shouldn't be whining there are people far worse off then me...but I am quite vain even if I don't appear to be. Well clothes wise I'm not, I couldn't give a fuck about what I wear...it's what's underneath that I care about.

Mello shot me a look. Ok the nicotine monster is growing, I'm practically gagging for a fag (That isn't Mello) and I'm getting more pissed every day I have to suffer without one.  
"Stop staring at me!" I spat across the room, I could almost taste the venom that I had said that with. Mello merely chuckled and shook his head, turning back to the book that was laying across his lap.

I saved the game and turned the console off. Mello looked up in surprise.  
"Stopping now are we?"  
"No." I growled, standing up. I began to pace for reasons unknown to myself.  
"Then what are you doing."  
"Going insane." I muttered. He laughed once more, amused at my predicament.


	15. You're just like Kira, aren't you?

**A.N Sorry for the late reply D:**

**Death Note RP forum. thedeathnotesstory . forum otion .com **

**Read and review =]**

**Dislaimer: I do not own death note...yet**

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**Mello's P.O.V**

I never realised how easily Matt got bored. When I finally took his games away (Much to his protests, the neighbours downstairs had to come and knock with the amount of noise he made. Fortunately I scared them off pretty easily.) he kept shifting in his chair, sighing and tugging at the goggles on his forehead. After solid hour of his fidgeting I began to lose my cool  
"Matt can you possibly sit still?"  
"No." He replied. Man nicotine was being a bitch to him, he was so cranky all the time. He had also gotten into the habit of being rather short with me...If he wasn't so sick I would've yelled at him by now.

I guess in a sense he is lucky he got shot, otherwise I would be getting very very pissed with him now. Luckily my phone beeped again. I flipped it open, pressing it to my ear.  
"What?"  
"The hits been carried out."  
"Good...and the corpse?"  
"Dumped in the river, cinder blocks tied around him. Looks like suicide and all fingerprints have been removed."  
"...Tell Dean he's fired."  
"W-what, why?"  
"Don't ask questions Rod, just do what you have to do."

I flipped the phone shut, only to find Matt staring at me.  
"You ordered another hit..."  
I sighed, Matt always had trouble accepting the fact that I killed people and he was very open about voicing the fact.  
"I do it because I must Matt. Better I kill them before they kill me."  
Matt stood up, looking away from me, his blue eyes looking incredibly hurt.  
"You have no idea...you sound just like Kira."  
He padded away to his, _our _bedroom, closing the door behind him. He must've sat against the door, because I tried to open it and the door refused to budge.

I banged on the door.  
"Matt...MATT! Open the Goddamn door!"  
"I want time to think Mells."  
"Maybe, but I am not like Kira for fuck sake!"  
"...Yes you are. You take innocent lives, how is that any different to what Kira does?"  
I kept my mouth shut, struggling for a reply.  
"Matt...I..."  
"No Mello, just think."  
I sighed, sinking down against the door, waiting until he had calmed enough to come out.

**Matt's P.O.V**

He was like Kira. No he wasn't, how could you say that to him? ...I said it because I was mad, that's why. Still that's no reason to say something that would hurt him like that...I should've just told him his mother was a crackwhore who couldn't give two fucks about him and was glad to give him up...that would've been nicer. I sighed thinking the same thoughts over and over again.

I must've fallen asleep at some point, darkness invading the small room. I stood up, brushing myself down. I opened the door a crack, Mello was sat against the door. His eyes closed and his blond bangs falling in his eyes. I slipped out of the door, flopping down beside him. I nuzzled into his chest hoping he would forgive me.


	16. Don't call me princess

**A.N:**

**Omigosh I'm sorry for the lack of update . I've been sooooo busy it's unreal**

**Anywho a rather short update so feel the live (I havent forgotten about you guys xD)**

**Sidenote: Spencer, stop reading this ; I will suffocate you as you sleep if you say one more thing about me writing yaoi. (Readers: This is why you do not show your fanfiction account to your friends, they find your pr0n to be a constant source of amusement...then blackmail you with it :3)**

**Rated M for a reason**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, but I did get the L change the world book today Yay! ^^**

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**Mello's P.O.V**

Fluffy hair brushed against my cheek, stirring me from the deep slumber which I was so thoroughly enjoying. It smelled good and I instinctively placed my arm around the figure it was attached to, pulling it closer.  
"M-Matt?" I murmured, as I struggled to surface from the fog in my brain.  
"Mmmm?" He moved against me, happy to find himself drawn closer.  
"Still tired?" He said nothing so I assumed it was true. I removed him from my form, standing up. Gripping his hand, I led him to his room. I pushed him on his bed turning to leave I heard a soft whine escaped his throat.  
"I don't wanna sleep by myself."

I slipped next to him on his bed, allowing him to snuggle back into me. The soft mattress a sudden relief on my body after all night on a hardwood floor. Note to self: Comfy beds do pay off. I flicked my bangs from my eyes as Matt's breathing evened out. He was out cold, but I couldn't move he was a very light sleeper. Half the time he was woken up by cars going pass outside. Sometimes though that can be beneficial, but unfortunately for me when I was gone that was it. Hell even a full blown fight hadn't woken me up before. (Complete with gunshots may I add.) But I just slept right through that.

Well I suppose some sleep is better than no sleep. I brushed my fingers through the shock of red hair that was on my shoulder. Matt was dreaming, he kept twitching every now and then. He breathing became ragged, I resisted the urge to wake him up. I really wanted to, he seemed so distressed but he needed all the sleep he could get.  
"Nuh!" He jerked awake, a pale sheen of sweat on his skin. He was trembling all over, his large blue optics wide in fear. He patted the bed to make sure of where he was . He let out sigh of relief.

"Matt? What's wrong princess?"  
He tensed back up, I must've said something wrong...He balled his hand up in the twisted bed sheets.  
"Don't call me that."  
"Wha-"  
"Mello. Don't. Call. Me. Princess."  
He looked so frightened and angry all at once, that word must've set him off because he rarely shows emotion, even through his voice. The sudden outburst from him had lead to me agreeing with him.  
"Ok, I won't. Any reason why?"  
He said nothing, turning his head away from me.  
"Matt." He was ignoring me and I could feel myself slowly getting angrier. You do not ignore Mello. Ever.  
"...Just...don't Mells."  
I sighed, silently planning a way to get it out of him.

**Matt's P.O.V**

No I couldn't tell him what happened. Why that word made me sick to the stomach. Ugh, I feel bad just thinking about that word. I could feel my head swimming as the word replayed over and over in my head. Mello instead began to bug me about my dream, asking me what happened in it. He was guessing right about how fucking crappy it made me feel. Just that cunt...doing what he did over and over.

Well at least he would be happy (If he was alive)...he managed to break me, just not when he wanted to. If he was here I would give him what he wanted to hear because my mind felt like it was spliting in two. No I wouldn't tell him anything, I wouldn't give him that satisfaction. C'mon Matt you can beat this.


	17. So I can be emo?

**A.N**

**Wow, thank you all for giving me so many reviews in one day! Honestly I had a massive cheesy grin plastered on my face for the rest of the day...It resulted in people asking me when I escaped the asylum (Y) Still thank you all so much ^^**

**This is a lyrics inspired chapter as I think the song fits the mood.**

**Rated M for a reason**

**Review for cookies ^.^**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death note...nor do I have L chained up in my cupboard **

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**You won't let me speak out**  
**With my best efforts to make you see**  
**I'm feeling so tied down**  
**Incarcerated whilst you pull my teeth**  
**What are you scared of**  
**Regretting the things you might of said**  
**Or is it the monsters clad with razor teeth**  
**Hiding deep beneath your bed**

**It's a little bit harder when you try so hard**  
**It's a little bit harder when I'm anxious and over think**  
**About this and the things I miss**  
**When you're falling apart**  
**It's a little bit harder you'll see**  
**Letting go of the monster in me**  
**Next time I'll try harder**

**My imperfections**  
**Making promises I can't keep**  
**I'm sick of these ghosts**  
**With holes in sheets, they keep me from my sleep**

**We're both happy to walk away**  
**We've got our own issues to face**  
**I'm sick of all these ghosts and motions complicate**  
**We're both happy to walk away**  
**We've got our own issues to face**  
**I'm sick of all these ghosts and emotions complicating**

**Amy can flyy - Letting go of the monster**

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**Matt's P.O.V**

I really shouldn't be angry with him about that stupid little word....he doesn't know any different and there is no doubt in my mind that he's just whinging away to himself in his head about 'Matt won't tell me!!!!1111!!one!!!'. He doesn't need to know that my head is literally throbbing with the amount of bullshit I'm keeping to myself, it's like a constant headache that will never leave no matter how many aspirins I take. Now there's a good idea...maybe more aspirins, like a lot more and it would just stop...I would stop but at least my head would stop burning.

Oh great I sound like a drama queen or some freakish teenager claiming that death is the only option. I might just die my hair black get a ton of piercings and wear eyeliner half way down my face...I would also change my name to Matt Malice. Yup that's pretty much the stereotype to go with my feeling now. I sighed, realizing how ridiculous I sounded. Mello was still questioning me but I could tell by his expression he was not going to give up.  
"Matt are you even listening to me?"  
"No..."

I could practically hear his piercing eyes rolling inside his skull as a sigh of exasperation left his lips.  
"Matt, you know these dreams will only get worse if you bottle what's causing them up. Didn't you listen in psychiatry?"  
I tilted my head to the left, scarlet hair falling in my eyes. "Third period on Monday, Thursday and Friday?" Mello nodded. "Yeah those were the lessons that I slept through or played games in for four years straight...The mind is boring."  
Mello stared at me before laughing, the rare sound reaching my ears, forcing me in turn to smile. "You are unbelievable Matt, I thought you only did that in Calculus."  
I raised a hand to my head, a sheepish expression on my face. "...And geometry, Latin, history...anything with the teacher speaking."  
"Matt! How the fuck you ended up being third I will never know!"  
"Well...most of my teachers were female...and whores....luckily for me."  
"MATT!" Mello picked up a pillow a hit me around the head with it, torn between amusement and irritation. I fell backwards as the pillow hit me, but I was laughing to hard to care.  
"Mells, I kid. Although Mrs. Foster did try something with me, but I was only twelve and no idea what the hell she was going on about. I asked T after and he told me...It made me start to avoid her class. She didn't make a fuss about it because if she did she would've got fired. But I heard Linda slept with her to get bumped up to fourth."  
Mello made a face. "Knew Linda was gay..." He muttered.  
I shrugged, forcing myself back into a sitting position.  
"Eh, if she's happy then it's not all bad."  
"Right..."

**Mello's P.O.V**

This was intentional. He had managed to push me off the subject and now there was no way to get back to it. Stupid smart Matt. Ok so he didn't want to talk about anything and I'm not the kind of guy who listens, but it must be pretty bad if he's adamant that he will not tell _me_. Usually I can push him into saying anything I want him too. So for him to put his foot down against me...Ugh this is so hard, I'm over thinking, over analyzing and that's just making this ten times harder than it needs to be!

Instead I just reached over and wrapped my arms around his waist, pulling him onto my lap. He squirmed against it for a moment, but when he realised I wasn't letting go he stopped and rested his head in the crevice of my neck.  
Note to self: The word princess...is off limits.


	18. Oxymoron

**A.N**

**Well howdy there ;)**

**My L change the world book came yesterday woohoo! I spent an hour staring at the cover because it's so pretty, I was scared to open it :3 But I did and I definatly reccomend it. L in a bear suit? What more could I ask for...**

**I was there thinking my internet would be cut off yesterday, but wouldn'tchaknowit I managed to keep it ^^ -Does happy dance;**

**Haha, I needed a chapter so I put in some fluff for you guys and I hope you enjoy it.**

**xD I have decided that thesauruses are my best friends, I don't know what I would do without one -Huggles the book;**

**Just want to say get well soon to ViVi222 who I know will be reading this and has left me some lovely reviews. Hope this brightens your day just a little more =D**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death note, nor can I spell well.**

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**Mello's P.O.V**

It appears that Matt can beat me at one thing...sitting still. I began to wriggle after about fifteen minutes of staying in the same position, but Matt had yet to move at all. Sometimes I regret being as fiery as I am, I would've happily stayed like that for hours but my muscles pent up way to much energy for my own good, so needless to say Matt ended up on the bed by himself.  
"Aww Mells that was comfy..." He whined, leaning back onto the bed. Wrapping his arms around his legs, he looked up at me making use of his puppy dog eyes. Goddamn it I hate it when he does that, even I can't resist that look. "And I'm injured..." He sniffled, putting on his best sad face.

I have no idea what happened next, I was only aware that I had Matt pinned down on the bed as I straddled his thighs. My mouth was locked with his, as he tilted his head upwards to deepen the kiss. I left his lips and softly bit his neck, knowing that a purple bruise would show there sooner or later.  
"Mine." I muttered, flicking my gaze to his face. His cheeks were flushed with a pale red hue, his eyes shut with his goggles tossed around his neck.  
Too fucking sexy for his own good.

I crept my hand under his shirt and he immediately tensed.  
"Mello, stop."  
I traced my forefinger along his chest, careful to avoid the bandage.  
"Why...?"  
"Please stop..." I withdrew my hand. He looked surprised that I had done as he'd requested, but quickly covered that up. Using his remaining strength he pushed me off him, taking in deep shaky breath is blush fading.  
"...Matt...you had no problem doing this sort of thing the other day..."  
"That's because it was on you..." He muttered it so quietly I wasn't sure if I was meant to hear it or not. I looked at him with wide eyes.  
"Matthew, tell me what happened." Now I know his name isn't Matthew, but I used to call him it to wind him up or when I was particularly mad with him. Matt just doesn't have enough syllables in it to give the emphasis that I want. However this time I was being stern, gripping his hand and refusing to let go.

He was tugging hard, trying to squirm away but I tightened my grip until he gave up. His head hung down so I could see nothing of his face.  
"You already know..."  
"I know what Matt?"  
He looked up, his face burning with an emotion that has no name. It was a mixture of many different things each as strong as the last.  
"You know what! That I'm a filthy fucking whore, that I didn't fight against it!" He was yelling, his fists balled up in rage. His head slumped back down. "...That I don't deserve you..." He whispered the last words, his shoulders shaking.  
"Matt." I placed a finger under his chin, forcing him to look at me, but he turned his head away. "Matt, look at me." I forced him to stay there, he was shaking quite badly, the goggles around his neck vibrating. "I don't care. That wasn't your fault and nothing could've prevented it, that doesn't make you a whore and your wrong..._I_ don't deserve _you_." I placed a chaste kiss on the corner of his mouth, but his eyes were glazed over, staring at a point that I couldn't see.

**Matt's P.O.V**

No no no, he was wrong. I was a filthy dirt ridden slut. Why the hell should I get someone like Mello? Yeah sure he was crass, manipulative, loud, has anger issues and so very very blunt...but he's so much more than that. A chain smoking gamer with no life doesn't deserve someone as full of life as Mello. Yet that's just it, he's completely dead on the outside, not able to get anything out of him...but when you learn about him, he's just bursting with craziness and infects you with his aliveness.

Yeah I know it's not a word, but my vocabulary doesn't have words for Mello, they just vanish because nothing is enough to describe him. Yet for some totally bizarre, impossible, crazy, inconceivable, divergent, unconventional reason he wanted me. I wanted him too because he was unlike anything else; A living oxymoron.

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**Yet another A.N**

**To clarify: Yes Matt was raped in the butt, but I'm far too nice to see him in that kind of pain so I didn't write it, I figured you guys would get the idea. =]**


	19. Cords and guns

**A.N **

**Oh my giddy aunt, I just realised how angsty this was I'm sorry DD:**

**I have my GCSE's next week so I may be absent as of next wednesday (Bum, this calms me down) so there may be no updates or very late ones. I was sad to realise that I'm almost halfway through this, to be honest I wasn't sure I would get this far, but this fic seems to be getting quite a bit of attention so I just keeping updatiing for you lovely guys and gals.**

**Make England rejoice and review ;)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death note, but in time my dear Ohba and Obata I will**

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**Mello's P.O.V**

"Matt? Matt c'mon look at me please."  
I didn't know what was happening, he hadn't moved in at least ten minutes, his eyes large and unblinking. I placed a hand on his shoulder, ignoring the shiver that ran through his body. His stripy shirt engulfing his body until he bore the resemblance of a young child, the shock of scarlet hair on his head falling in his eyes...he looked helpless yet if you'd seen him on the street you'd crossed over the road and ran as fast as you could. Well I wouldn't because nothing scares me, still even I cannot deny that the look was soul rattling.

I did the only thing I could think of. I turned his X-box on. His head snapped up at the familiar sound, launching himself across the room so he could sit comfortably in front of the machines. His legs already crossed and his fingers already gripping the control. He was eerily still, only his fingers moving across the buttons at a breakneck pace.  
"Matt...?" I called him once more, but he didn't even blink. I stood, unable to resist the feeling in the bottom of my stomach. It had been days? Since I'd eaten chocolate and the cravings were growing stronger. I could feel my patience with Matt whittling down and I needed all the patience I could get, especially if he'd been...

No don't even think like that. I stalked from the room, knowing that Matt wouldn't even budge in the few minutes it took me to grab a bar of foil wrapped goodness. I had already discarded the wrapper, chewing a piece of the sweet with haste. I walked back into the room, not wanting to leave him on his own for too long.

The chocolate slipped from my hands at the sight. The thin cord was wrapped around the gamers neck, the other end attached to the ceiling fixtures. Luckily his feet were still on the bed, I drew my gun immediately shooting through the cord with panic. Matt jumped and fell off the bed, I heard a dull thud and a 'ow'. He'd hit his head on the wall.  
"MAIL JEEVAS!" I exploded. Looking back I'm more amazed that he was able to do that without making a noise and in such a short space of time, but this is neither the time or place. Matt drew his knees to his chest, hiding his face from my rage. "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!"  
"I-I..."  
I drew myself down to his level, trying my best to reign the anger in, my voice now dangerously quiet.  
"Well?"  
"I don't know..."  
For some reason, he burst into tears and flung his arms around my neck, burying his face into my chest. I immediatly felt guilty, I didn't mean to make him this upset, I was just so worried and I guess I overreacted.  
"You don't know why you would try to kill yourself?"  
He nodded, pulling away from me. His hand grazed his face, removing the tear streaks down his face. I ignored the sudden cold patch on my chest where the water had soaked through leaving a wet patch.  
"Are you sure?"  
He nodded then shook his head.  
"I can't remember, but I had a reason it's just..." He made a wild gesture with his arms, unable to put across what was going on in his mind. Of course I thought of Kira but he insisted that it just struck him as a thought.  
"I'll never do it again." He sniffled, keeping his eyes locked on the floor. "I promise, don't leave me."  
I sighed ruffling his hair.  
"I won't. Just don't do stupid things." I flashed him a smile. "That's my job."

**Matt's P.O.V**

I don't know what the hell just happened. I just-I had to-It made sense at the time. When he left I just thought I should because he wouldn't miss me would he? I'm absolutely nothing in comparison. The look on his face though, it just a shock right through my body making me doubt the little voice in my head that was urging me to jump.

I know I'm weak, but I was strong enough to ignore it for long enough. Just long enough. I felt his hand fluff my hair, a carefully applied smile on his face. I don't think he realises how much his eyes betray him. A thousand different emotions shooting through them, none that I could read except worry.  
"I love you..." I murmured, knowing that I hadn't said it since I'd told him.  
"Good." He growled, leaning over me. "Because I love you too." He pressed his lips to mine, making my thoughts vanish.


	20. Manly

**A.N **

**Twentieth chapter! *Parties hard***

**As a reward for you lovely people I have decided to type you up another multi chaptered fic today, because I'm a BB nerd ^^**

**Reviews :O I love them.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note but my shinigami...well that's a different story**

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**Matt's P.O.V**

He pulled away, I felt a sudden weight on my chest, like I was no longer...well whole. I know that sounds so cheesy, but that's the only way I can put it. Well, it was like giving a child a lollipop then taking it away. The child would no doubt cry, but if it had never had it to begin with then it would remain cheerful through it's day. It was like that, but a thousand times worse. It physically hurt to be away from him, the pain in my chest growing. I ran my hand over my chest, feeling a sudden stab of pain through my body. Nope it was just the gunshot.

Now I know why people are so proud of themselves after surviving gunshots because when you're recovering it burns like a bitch! It's enough to drive you mental, but I'm hoping I'm done with the insanity. When that cord touched my neck...it was a surge of power. A control over my own life that I have never once been granted because from the moment I could remember someone had been controlling my life, be it Roger, L, Watari or even Mello.

It's not like I wouldn't stop Mello controlling my life but I can't help but think that if I hadn't been such a pushover none of this would've happened. I'm more than happy to be Mello's lackey because that makes him happy...and I like it when he's happy but I refuse to be used by anyone else. I stood up, glancing at Mello, who was still on the floor, and made my way to the shower. He was clearly torn between stalking me (Could you blame him? I mean a minute ago I was trying to hang myself.) But he let me go when I gave him a shake of my head. I needed to think.

**Mello's P.O.V**

I wanted to follow him, of course I did. But he promised. He was the only one who could make me believe that. I shook my head, God I was getting soft. Pretty soon I would be all hugs and smiles...I need to do something manly. Flipping open my phone, I scrolled through the contacts. I found the one I wanted, with a smile I clicked it waiting for the person on the other end of the line to pick up.  
"Yeah?"  
"Rod."  
"What?"  
"Take a hit out."  
"On...?"  
"I don't care who, just kill someone...and make the death fun, something I'll read about and find amusing."  
I could picture his bewilered expression on the other end of the line.  
"Wait, what?"  
"You heard me, twenty fours hours otherwise it's your ass on the line...and I've been wondering how to kill you for a while...after all it was me who killed your family."  
"WHAT?"  
"Have fun Roddy."  
"Son of a-"  
I flipped the phone shut. It was all too easy to wind Rod up. True Matt didn't agree with my needless killing but I feel more manly already. Besides next time I saw Rod he would try to pick a fight with me, because I wasn't lying I did kill his family. It was one of my first hits to see 'if I could live with the guilt'. Ha I didn't even blink as his wife screamed for mercy. I did have a lapse in conscience as I shot his children though...I could say that his wife was guilty of some sin...but children...not so much.

The water turned on in the bathroom, steam escaping from under the door. I bit my lip. He was naked in there...and it had been so long since...Goddamn it now he would see...Fuck sake. I stood trying to walk it off before he returned, but my mind was not helping me one bit, hurray for mental images! Piercing the skin of my lip I could taste the metallic tang of blood on my tongue. Ok, focus on blood. Nothing good about blood. I let a sigh of relief pass my stained lips. Who would've guessed that losing blood would save my life. Remind me to thank God for that.


	21. Everyone will see you naked

**A.N**

**Yet another update xD Aren't you loved? A heads up, I began writing a BBxL fic yesterday it's up now so check it out. My death note came in the mail today and like any good fangirl I squealed for twenty minutes straight before flicking through it. Money well spent ^^**

**Read and review...otherwise I'll put the death note to good use ;)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note...But Matt nekkid? That's all me ;)**

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**Mello's P.O.V**

He stepped out of the room about twenty minutes later. Steam escaping into the hallway then disappearing all together, he had a single towel wrapped around his waist. His scarlet hair was plastered to his face, but he had remembered to put his goggles back on, the strap squeezing moisture from his soaking bangs. A drop ran from his ear down to the crevice where the neck met the shoulder. He shivered with the sudden cold that bit at his skin, the droplet of water deciding to run down his back.

I threw another towel to him, not bothering to move from my position. It was too damn comfy, besides he would probably sit and play games like the ne-. Yup don't even need to finish my sentence, it's a mind readers abilty. He had the other towel draped around his neck, catching the odd bead of water that made a bid for freedom, but apart from that he made no effort to put clothing on.

And it's driving me mad.

**Matt's P.O.V**

Mello was making his pouty face again. Maybe because I chose to pay more attention to games then to him...nah he knew I would do that anyway. So I don't know what it is that's bothering him. I rolled my eyes behind the tinted glass of my goggles. I had been without them for so long it almost felt odd to have them on my face once more. Like smoking. I've been trying to find a way around Mello to get a hold of some cigarettes but every time I thought I had them in my grasp...I would turn away. Letting myself get caught for reasons unknown to even myself .

In time perhaps I would start smoking once more. I could constantly feel the ache that only nicotine could fill and my hands seemed to be useless without that little stick to fill them. Mello sighed, reminding me that he was in the room. I pressed pause on my game, the blood splatter of a demon still dripping from the screen.  
"What?" I asked him, knowing that he wanted to say something.  
"Nothing, nothing."  
"Don't bullshit Mells."  
"I'm not, I'm just bored of being inside all the time." He flung his arms down on the bed in a dramatic way. "But I wasn't saying anything since I wasn't sure if you wanted to go out. I'm just taking care of the sick diddums like a good boyfriend." He stuck out his tongue, unlike his usual hostile self. Not knowing that the single word he uttered sent a shiver down my spine.  
"Right...and you think that speech alone would make me want to leave this place?"  
"Yes because I want to leave and I know you will come with me if I do."  
I rose a brow. "Oh will I?"  
"Yup."  
"What if I refuse to put clothes on. Then what?"  
"I will drag you out. Naked."  
I stood up and ran to get clothes. He probably wasn't joking and it would be 'good' for me to get out after at least a month indoors. I'm surprised Mello hasn't ripped the door off in agitation yet, but we did manage to acquire quite a few lovely holes in the cabinet doors. Charming. I pulled the last of my clothes on, dumping the soggy towels on the floor. I smelled good, that much I'm sure of. "Matt!" "Give me a minute!"  
He made a low whine, already playing with the front door, batting it between his hands so it creaked. Impatient bastard. I pulled my goggles of my eyes, I didn't want them damaged as I wasn't sure where he intended on going. But as I left the room, he practically leapt out of the door. This was going to be fun.


	22. Child

**A.N:**

**Yeah so I wrote this, it's pretty much just fluff. Nothing better than fluff to cheer yourself up =]**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death note**

**Matt's P.O.V**

Mello forced me to hand over the keys to my beloved Chevy. Apparently I'm in no condition to drive. Says the guy who totalled my last seven (yes seven) cars. I really didn't want to hand my baby over to the guy who destroys everything he touches, but the look on his face...I just did it without thinking. He opened the door and slid into the drivers seat, not even waiting for me to take my seat before he made the machine roar to life.  
"So where are we going?"  
"I have no idea."  
He pressed his foot to the accelerator and elated grin on his features. The car took off with a squeal leaving behind tire marks and the smell of burnt rubber.

I think I winced at the torture Mello was forcing on my car. He drove wildly, but never once crashed or even scrapped my car. (That was surprising)  
"Where do you want to go Mattie?"  
"I don't know I thought you were choosing."  
He huffed. "Fine I will." I heard the distinct mutter of 'try to be nice'.  
I sighed and averted my gaze to the passing city, the lights flickering pass the window, the world a strange colour. I realised that I was far too used to the orange tint of my goggles.  
Mello suddenly let out a childlike squeal, a rare feat for him. He only every did that if you replaced your entire fridge with chocolate. (I did that for his sixteenth, the place was reeking of the sugary goop for days!) He forced the car to halt, throwing open the door and running out.

I couldn't see what he was running towards as it was too dark, but I stumbled out of the car after him, shutting both of the doors. I could hear his laughter and a clinking of chains.  
"Mello what the hell are you doing?"  
"Swings!" He yelled back to me. He was so happy it was almost unreal. But then again we did grow up at Wammy's...a childhood lost one might say...I mean look at Near for God's sake. But it seemed so unlike Mello to be happy over two chains with a seat between them. I still took a seat besides him, my feet dangling off the ground. Mello was already swinging, a Cheshire cat grin on his face. I rolled my eyes, content to twine my fingers around the cool metal, only swinging lightly in the breeze.

**Mello's P.O.V**

I reached the peak of the swing and flung myself forwards, leaping off the playground toy. I'm not sure why the swings were so amusing to me but I immediatly ran back and began swinging again. The night breeze was pleasant, forcing my blond bangs backwards and forwards with the momentum.  
"Mattttttt!"  
"What?"  
"...I want swings." I whined the last word, aware of how much like a child I was sounding and yet I didn't mind. In fact I decided to act up on it even more. I added a lisp. "Pwease Matt?" I dragged my heels against the ground forcing myself to stop.  
"Are you serious?" He sounding kinda shock, I cracked him a smile.  
"Fuck no."


	23. Emoticon

**A.N This may be poorly written as it is 3:30 am and I havent slept in two days :2**

**Read and review ^^**

**Disclaimer: I do not own death note**

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Matt's P.O.V

"There's the Mello I know, I was wondering for a moment if I was turning into you and you was turning into me."  
Mello scoffed, digging the tip of his shoe into the soft dirt on the floor.  
"Matt...I'm cooler than you, there is no way in hell we are going to switch places. Ever."  
I rolled my eyes swinging in the breeze. This wasn't normal. Not that my life is normal, but it was so weird not to see Mello stressing out. He was always stressing out whether it was about beating Near or beating Near or even beating Near! I can remember a few times when he stayed up for 5 days studying...then proceeded to pass out mid walk to Latin. Fortunately I got to drag him to bed and missed my class. (He's heavier than you think!...Or maybe I'm just weak...)

But lately he's been so...well mellow...bad pun but it's true. Mehh I should seriously injure myself more and then he'll chill out and let me play games. He shivered, I guess leather isn't good when the cold is biting at your expossed skin. I promtly shook myself out of my coat and handed it to him. I would be ok for a while, I was wearning long sleeves.  
"Matt I'm fine."  
"No you're not."  
"I am!"  
"..You've got goosebumps on your arms and your lips are turning blue."  
"...Betrayers." He muttered under his breath, finally accepting the clothing. He pushed his arms into the too long sleeves. As much as he thinks he's the bigger one of the two of us, the truth still remains that I'm taller and my limbs are longer. That pisses him off to no end. Especially when I used to pat him on the head and nickname him 'Midget Mells.' I got the silent treatment that day...totally worth it.

**Mello's P.O.V**

His jacket was warm and smelled like him. I fought very hard to not melt and continue to be mushy because I have to regain my composure now or I never will. I nodded in gratitude, he smiled and I could pratically see the emoticons on his face. I started to laugh and the bewildered look on his face just made me laugh harder. He was too cute for his own good. I was just waiting for him to grow a tail and ears and I could have my own puppy.

"What? What's so funny?"  
I shook my head, struggiling to breather through laughter.  
"Melloooooooo." He whined, pouting slightly.  
"You have no idea that I can see the emoticons you would use if this was on the computer." Matt looked away, a light crimson hue invading his cheeks.  
"You can't can you?"  
"Yup, I can see the 'Insert sad face here' or the LOL you would use." He groaned, placing his head in his hand.  
"Awww cheer up Matt."  
"No...I just realised how sad my life is.."  
"You JUST realised? Wow you are slow..." I muttered knowing that my voice was dripping with sarcasam.  
"Shuddup." He stuck his tongue out.

I grabbed his tongue between finger and thumb.  
"It's rude to do that." I whispered, leaning close to his ear so that he could feel my breath on his cold skin. "So very very rude." I flicked my tongue on his ear lobe and drew back, letting his tongue go. The look on his face was priceless.


	24. Are you watching me or the road?

**A.N Mega squick whilst writing this D: But I did it because I promised, tell me what you think and if I did good I'll write more :3**

**Just want to say muwahahaha Rachel caught you out ;)**

**Warning: Contains no Mello P.O.V and LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEMOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN**

**Disclaimer: I do not own death note**

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**Matt's P.O.V**

He was being a bastard. He knew I couldn't do anything here! It was a public place and yet I wanted nothing more than to pin him to the ground and have my way with him. He pulled a bar of chocolate from his his leather, his fingers slitting the foil open. He snapped off the edge, sucking it idly for a moment the melting chocolate grazing his lip. He stuck out his tongue to remove it from the pale skin.

I think I must've lost my mind. Just lost it. I distinctly remember grabbing his hand and dragging him away from the swings, the chains knotting together with the abrupt movement. But I didn't look back, I just kept going. At some point Mello caught on because I was behind him and he was dragging me along, his palm was cold but he entwined his fingers with mine, squeezing gently. Now there's a word I never thought I'd be using to describe Mello...gentle. Wow the world has gone upside down huh?

I doesn't matter though, I still stumbled after him in a daze. I wasn't sure where I was going when I was leading, so I was sure as hell confused as to where he was leading me!  
"Get in." He growled to me, the Chevy roaring to life in the quiet suburban midst. "Been playing games far too long now Mattie. I'm going to get what I want."  
"What? I-I'm not playing games Mells I just-" I stuttered, slightly scared by the look in his eye. It was a glint I'd only seen once before. When he was beating the shit out of F. It sent a shiver to my very core, although I struggled to keep that fear off my face. Mello would use that to his advantage and I was almost sure of what was going to happen. I did not want him to be the dominant one.

The fifteen minute car ride was perhaps the longest of my life. Mello wasn't speaking, only trailing his finger tips over my thigh. I bit the inside of my lip suppressing the quiet whimper. His other hand was placed on the steering wheel. I'm not sure who he was paying attention to. Me or the road. But I wanted to find out. I snapped off a piece of his chocolate, the loud crack bouncing around the confined space. His icy blue gaze shot to my face, I wasn't allowed to touch his chocolate and here I was disobeying an order?

I ran it over my lips, the sweetness oozing over the skin and touching my tongue. I smirked, tilting my head back slightly. Mello was gawping by the time I ran my tongue over my lips, getting every drop of melted liquid from them. He flicked his eyes back to the road making a sudden swerve. My baby was almost going to be totaled by an appearing oak tree, luckily for me he managed to miss it.  
"MATT!" He thundered. "CAN YOU NOT BE A FUCKING PORN STAR WHILE I'M TRYING TO DRIVE!" His tone was irritated, but he couldn't hide the tent in his pants.

"Porn star? No I just wanted some chocolate."I gave him my best puppy eyes, dissolving his steely glare in a second.  
"You fucking knew what you were doing." He snarled, trying to cover himself with his hand, but only making the problem worse. He sighed pulling into our car park. Switching the ignition off, he opened the car door and slid out as I did, tossing me the keys. He walked quickly, making sure my eyes followed his swaying hips to the front door.

As soon as we were both inside and the door had been slammed shut, I was up against the wall his mouth pressed against mine. His tongue grazing over my lips asking for entrance. I parted my lips slightly allowing his tongue to explore my mouth. Unsurprisingly he tasted of chocolate and something...well I don't even know how to describe it but yum! His hand had slipped up my shirt, careful to avoid the bandage across my chest but he happily roamed my abdominal, feather touches on my skin.

I sighed lightly, the light caresses doing more to my body than I ever thought possible. He moved from my mouth, running his tongue down my neck until he met my shoulder. He bit into it, causing my to gasp in surprise. He peeled my shirt from my form, I wasn't even sure when he removed his but it was long gone, crumpled up in a heap on the floor, shortly joined by my own shirt, jeans and boxers.

He nipped at the skin on my chest, ignoring the soft noises I couldn't help from spilling out over my lips. I had tried, but that had resulted in a punctured lip, the blood trailing over the pale skin. Then he did something I did not expect, he pushed one finger up inside me. My back arched slightly, my lips parting.  
"Mello what're you-?"  
"Relax Matt, otherwise this is going to get painful."  
He pushed another one inside me. There was a sudden stab of pain, something that was all too familiar but I brushed it off. I was suddenly aware that I had let him become the dominant one without a second thought, but I was too far gone once he brushed a bundle of nerves inside me. It was pleasure like I'd never felt before, fireworks exploding behind my eyes. I must've groaned because I heard him mutter 'So that's where it is...' before making a scissoring motion with his fingers, the muscle relaxing slightly.

He leant over me, pressing a soft kiss to my lips. I realised that he had used lube, but I was too high on...Mello to care. It didn't hurt as much as other times when he pushed himself inside of me, the tip brushing over the bundle of nerves and I was lost again. I was pretty sure he said something, but I was only aware of the intense feeling. It was so intense it almost hurt, like a pleasure overload. But I didn't care, my head tilting back as he picked up the pace, a light sheen of sweat on his ivory skin. His golden hair slicked to his face. I closed my eyes, giving into the feeling in my lower body. I'm not sure how long we lasted, but I'm guessing it wasn't long as soon after that Mello collapsed on top of me shortly after I finished (Hygienic right?) I distinctly remember calling out his name, but I'm not sure if that is just something I added.  
"Matt?"  
"Yeah?" I whispered back.  
"Act like a porn star more often." He whispered back, curling up on top of me. Falling asleep in mere seconds.


	25. Branch

**A.N Awwwwwwwwwwwww I hate being mean to Matt, but he's such an easy target D:**

**Sorry for the lack of update, as I have a chemistry exam tomorrow, I decided to update rather that study :3 Feel the love.**

**Answering the question on my review (I can't remember the Username sorry ^^') Here's me starting to go somewhere with all the jumblie stuff I gave you over the last 5-6 chapters **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death note**

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**Matt's P.O.V**

He slept for hours, still laying on top of me. I guess at some point I drifted off as well because when I opened my eyes, the comforting weight was gone and the same empty feeling came back. I don't know why I let him do that, I shouldn't of, I know I am not in the right state of mind.

And yet I didn't care.

I sat up the sheets balling up around me, picking up a corner of the duvet, I trapped it between my thumb and finger, squeezing it tightly. I glanced to the clock on the window sill. 3.48. Am or Pm I didn't know, the thick curtains blocking out any light from the outside world. I bit back the sigh that threatened to escape the confinements of my lips, I wasn't sure what this feeling was. It wasn't lonely, I knew lonely and this wasn't it. It was a feeling in the pit of my stomach, gnawing away leaving a huge bout of guilt? sadness? remorse? I bit my lip, my teeth grazing the puncture that Mello had left on my lip. The feeling was bugging me...well it was more annoying that I couldn't put my finger on it. I pushed myself off the bed in agitation. I don't get frustrated easily, but this was so irritating. I drew the curtains, the artificial light flooding through the open window. Night.

I flicked my gaze to the sky. All the light pollution had blocked out the stars, only a single glint of light remained. I shook my head, walking towards the shower. I automatically reached up to pull my shirt off, cool fingers brushed my skin before I realised that my clothes were long gone. Reaching up I flicked the switch on the wall, the warm water flowing from the shower head. Stepping under it I allowed the water to relax each and every muscle. I kept my breath steady, the feeling in my gut creeping up and dragging me under. My chest tightened and I struggled to breathe, tears slowly falling to the ground, but

I barley noticed, my thoughts exploding in my head as I struggled to regain my usual composure. My legs gave out, the resounding thud of skin on ceramics echoed around the room. I gripped my arms tightly, leaving fingerprints on the soft flesh, unable to stop crying. It was too much, my head felt like it was splitting once more, I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to block the world out, the water ever relentless beating down on my body.

**Mello's P.O.V**

I was called out early this morning. I didn't want to leave, but I had to. I wanted a promotion to the top of my 'branch' and if they called, I had to come running. For now.

I smirked when I strutted in, Rod giving me a look of death. If looks could kill I'd be dead a million times over. Instead I pulled my gun out and shot him in the thigh.  
"Don't look at me like that." I growled, ignoring his screech of pain, blood pumping from the flesh wound that I had inflicted upon his person. Scythe stared at me. That wasn't his real name, he gained it after stabbing a farmer with his own weapon, he merely shook his head his eyes rolling in his head.  
"If Mello's had enough..."  
I took to my seat, keeping the smirk on my face.  
"Yup."  
"Good. We're getting a shipment tonight, nothing hard really but we need people to over see it and I'm-" He cut off, coughing lightly. "-Busy. So we need people to stand in."  
He finished, folding his arms in his lap, the skin that ran from his eye to his chin catching the light, it suddenly becoming visable. I raised a brow as his eyes rested on my face.  
"Yeah you can do it. Call it payback for shooting Rod."  
"Just cause you two are fucking..." I muttered, slightly pissed off that I didn't get a harder job. I rose from the chair. "We done?" Scythe nodded, watching me walk out the door. I wanted to get home, hoping Matt hadn't woken yet.

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**A.N Ok, I based Matt's breakdown on one that I had on New years eve. If I described it wrong or whatever, or perhaps if you had a differance experiance, please tell me so I can make my writing better ^^**


	26. Karma

**A.N Haha vacation starts tomorrow!**

**Mello's POV only as it's all I could think of, enjoy my lovelies **

**Disclaimer: I do not own death note**

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Mello's P.O.V

It took me a matter of minutes to get home, Matt didn't know how close headquarters was and I intended to keep it that way. Parking my bike, I removed the helmet from my head, shaking my head so that my hair fell into place. I almost ran up the stairs, taking them three at a time. I really hoped he wasn't awake, he always looked so much better when he was asleep (And that was damn near impossible when he was so fucking cute when he was awake!) But he was so...relaxed when he slept, not hept up on cigarettes and games.

I was out of luck, the bed was vacated, the sheets pooling on the floor. I sighed to myself. Karma.  
I shoot Rod, I don't get a sleeping Matt. That sucks ass. I threw the tinted helmet onto the couch, along with my jacket. It was freezing outside, besides it was another excuse to wear more leather. I flopped down on the sofa, the faint sound of water finally reaching my ears.  
"Matt?" I called into the empty flat.  
There was no response.  
"MATT!" Nothing, nada, nill. I pushed myself off the comfy seat, ambling towards the shower. He'd probably left the water running and gone out for a bit. This wouldn't be the first time this happened, he did it nearly every other day I pushed open the bathroom door, sticking my hand around. Fumbling for the switch, I finally found the chain and yanked it, he water stopping immediatly.

I never went into the bathroom on my own if I could help it. Don't tell anyone but bathrooms freak me out slightly. Too many horror films I think. Why do all the stupid woman end up dying in the bathroom? I kinda look like a woman and I'm blonde...tell anyone and I will kill you slowly and painfully. I'm an expert at that.  
There was some movement inside the room, I tensed up slightly, my hand wrapping around the gun that I had hidden in the back of trousers.  
"Matt?" I pushed the door open, stepping inside. The steam rushed past me in a bid to escape, the mirror in front of me completely opaque with the condensation that had taken refuge on it's cool surface. I turned, seeing a shock of red through the shower curtain. I stared for a moment, picking up a towel that hung on the back of the door. Pulling back the curtain, I draped the cotton around his shoulders, wrapping it around his shivering form.  
"What's wrong?" I asked him, he gripped the front of my shirt and drew me down to his level, burying his head into my shoulder. I placed my arms around him, aware of his trembling. "Mattie what happened?" He mumbled a few words, his voice breaking on each one. I think I caught 'stupid' and 'whore' but everything else was incoherent nonsense.I sat down on the floor of the shower, not caring that the water was slowly soaking through my clothes. I muttered words which I hoped were comforting. But he refused to calm down, silent tears leaking from his eyes.  
Let's get you dry yeah?" I asked him, aware that I would not get a reply. Keeping the towel tucked around him, I lifted him from the ground (He was very light and I'm...fairly strong so it wasn't that much of a challenge.) His whole form was limp, allowing me to turn him into a rag doll if I so chose.  
"I'm so fucking stupid." He muttered. He never usually swore so this was definitely bad. "Stupid stupid stupid." He muttered over and over again.  
"No, you're not." I reminded him, placing him down on the tangled mess that was once a bed. I stared at his face, carefully removing the orange tinted goggles that covered his eyes. I was searching his eyes frantically for any sign of the Matt I knew. His pupils were dilated, covering almost all of the blue iris.  
"Mello." He whimpered lightly. "My head hurts."


	27. Blanket fort

**A.N**

**Thank you guys for reviewing!**

**A bit of OOCness in this (sorry ^^')**

**I must say, it smells like man in this carvern I call a bedroom...I'm freaking out slightly. Any cure for ghosties that smell of deeeeelishhhh manly men?**

**And onto the...writing**

**Disclaimer: I do not own death note **

**Oh and for the question in my PM box (Sorry I can't remember the user) My favourite colour is Glitter and my favourite disney princess is Zac Efron.**

**(She bet me I wouldn't post that, sorry guys :3)**

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**Matt's P.O.V**

I couldn't stop. This anguish continued to swirl within my stomach, like a heavy weight that I was too weak to remove so I shoved it around instead. I raised my hands to my head, twisting my fingers into my hair. It felt like it was going to fall apart, but I just kept my grip on it vaguely aware of a soft voice trying to coax me out of my ambition.  
I was trying to shut down from the inside out, at least that way I wouldn't have to feel whatever the hell this feeling is. It was just a gut wrenching almost physical pain and I just wanted it to stop, I couldn't stop myself from shifting into a ball, my cheek pressed to my knees.

I slowly began to numb myself, shutting off my senses one by one. I had learned to do this from a book about dealing with certain emotions and I'm kinda glad I spent an hour learning how to do it because it was helping...slightly. My breathing eased out but I refused to remove from the position that I was in, instead a weight shifted around on the mattress until I had my head resting in Mello's lap. He hooked his fingers around mine, peeling them back so I stopped the assault on my bangs.  
"Matt what happened?" He continued to keep his voice low, using every last ounce of patience in his body to sit still, his fingers trailing through my hair.  
"Nothing."  
"That wasn't nothing so don't bullshit me." His voice changed, almost monotonous. I glanced up, his eyes were closed. I almost yelled, I wanted to know what he was thinking at this moment. I needed his eyes open so I could read him like the open book he was. Except he was more of a braille book, you had to study extra hard to read him and even then you might get it wrong. Well maybe a braille book with dynamite attached to it, one wrong translation and it would explode, but I knew it wouldn't happen to me I had the bomb squad on my side.  
"I don't know what happened. My head just hurt so much..." I trailed off, aware that he was barely breathing, dangerously quiet for someone usually so...Alive.  
"Too much in your head." He muttered, stroking my cheek with a single finger. "It's not healthy. Tell me what's eating you up, while I'm being nice, otherwise I might have to beat your ass for being a pussy." He reminded me, a small smirk of his pale features, slowly opening his eyes to study my face.

**Mello's P.O.V**

I know I didn't give him much of choice, that was the whole point. So he had to tell me now right? I hate it when people keep things from me but I have no problem hiding things from other people, it's easier especially when you're in my line of work. He shifted around, making his head comfy on my lap and started to speak.

I didn't really notice the day pass by, he just spilled his soul to me. I found it hard to believe how much he had kept to himself, realising why I had found him in the state I had. But what I had to say definitely wasn't going to make things better. When I was sure he was done, looking drained through psychological exhaustion, I raised my head slightly.  
"This really isn't the best time, but from tomorrow I have to go out of town for a few days."  
He blinked at me and nodded. In a way I love Matt for that, no matter if he was dying on the inside he would support you 100%. I knew he needed me but if I refused this I would be shot. I think I knew which one he'd prefer.  
"Are you gunna be ok?"  
"I'll be fine." I nodded, he threw his form back onto the pillows beneath him (We had arranged the bed into some kind of fort as he spoke to make it comfy...and to have something to do with out hands.) His blue optics half lidded.  
"Mells, will you be gone when I wake?"  
I paused. "Maybe, but even if I'm gone I'll leave you something."  
Matt nodded, a slightly disheartened look on his face.  
I was adamant that I would leave him something, Matt didn't know that I knew his birthday as he was never one to celebrate and thus held the date from me, but I was a sneaky kid at Wammy's and managed to get a hold of it. Part of his worry was that (Not that he knew that I knew) I would be gone for his birthday. He would be thinking I would leave him a note or something, but I had much more in mind then that.  
I just hope it can make him smile that crooked grin that I love so much.

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**A.N Lol, the blanket fort is because I was building one as I wrote this to hide from the manly smell. I just thought it would be awesome to add it in (Y)**


	28. I named it

**A.N**

**Sorry this update took so long! I've been busy with my ficitonpress and other dodads. Anyways here's some more nuttiness spawned off my head ^^**

**Disclaimer: I do not own death note**

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Matt's P.O.V

He was gone when I woke, although my stomach fell slightly at the sight of the empty side of the bed I was prepared for it. Sitting up in the bed, I felt better than I had done in days, most of tension having left my body and although some of that horrible feeling remained there was nothing I could do that would dispel it.

Instead I rested my head on the headboard behind me, breathing slowly. It was a warm day outside, the light dappling the wooden floor. I eventually pushed myself off the bed, the cool air biting at my exposed skin. Pulling a shirt over my head, I ruffled my hair out of my eyes, padding out to the small kitchen. It seemed a lot bigger without Mello filling the space, it was odd without his form sprawled somewhere plotting away on how to beat Near into catching Kira. Although he seemed to have given that up lately, he hadn't bothered with the Kira case since...

I couldn't even finish the thought, it wasn't a part of my memory that I ever wanted to bring back up. I wandered over to the fridge, grabbing a carton of milk. Pulling a glass from the cupboard I emptied the remaining liquid into it. It felt like I hadn't drank anything in weeks, my voice cracking with each small noise I made. Tossing the carton into the bin, I went to shut the fridge. A small package caught my eye, pulling it out, I set it next to my glass, flipping over the piece of cardboard on top.

_Told you I would leave you something. Happy 17th (That's right I know it's your birthday) M x_

I was speechless, how the hell did he know my birthday! I tried to keep it from him, seriously who wants to celebrate getting one year closer to death? It didn't change the fact that my mouth was agape and my hands were trembling. Running my finger under the packaging, the paper falling apart.

I'm not proud of it, but I squealed out loud like a two year old.

I couldn't believe he actually remembered. When I was young, the first gaming console I had was a non colour game boy, which died out of overuse. I was so distraught, I buried Reginald (Yes I named it.). Later that week I got the colour version, but it just wasn't the same. I didn't think Mello could even remember that and yet he must of because that's what was inside. A non colour game boy, with the first version of Zelda. I flipped it over to find he had Reginald engraved into the back of the console.

I couldn't even conceive the level of thought he had put into that. Flipping on the switch, I couldn't keep the grin off my face as the game loaded. I knew what I was doing today.

**Mello's P.O.V**

Ugh this job was boring. So very very boring. I wasn't what the shipment was, most likely coke or meth or something like that. I began to tap my foot against the stone floor, gripping my gun tightly between my fingers.

Rod was stood next to me, a hefty bandage on his thigh. He kept his glare on my face until I flipped him off, scowling. A man dressed completely in black approached us, a briefcase in his hand. Pressing it into my grip, he walked off, almost running.  
"Time to go." I stated to Rod, walking back to the motorcycle that I had left around the corner.

It wasn't long before I was back at headquarters. Scythe ogled the case with wide eyes as I placed it in front of him.  
"Open it." He whispered. Clicking it open, I was almost disappointed when there was nothing remarkable within. Just a black notebook, silver lettering on the cover.  
_Death Note._


	29. Promotion

**A.N Okay guys I know this is super late, I'm sorry. Bea got kidnapped all over again and I had to go rescue her. It also hurts to type now as I think I have a fractured finger (Hurts really bad D:) and I'm in the beginning stages of carpal tunnel syndrome (See how much I love you? I still keep writing even though it makes me cry :') )**

**Anywho here's a well over due update, review please as I want to know if this is going okay =]**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death note, or Zelda.**

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**Mello's P.O.V**

I picked up the book, turning it over in my hand.  
"We risked our lives...for a fucking book?" The leather was supple, begging me to open it and peer within. Scythe grinned, yellowing teeth filling his face. He really needed the dentist.  
"Not just any book. The book. The book that will kill anyone we desire." He whispered, his hazel optics wide with excitement, I tilted my head looking unimpressed.  
"Right, a book can kill people. Watch out, paper cut!" I scowled, throwing the book back at his feet. He picked it up, dusting off the ebony cover. "Try it. Write someone's name in and picture their face, anyone in this room. If they don't die...you can have my job." He slid the book back over to me, a pen besides it.  
"Fine!" I snapped. Flipping the cover open, I poised the pen above the lined paper. Running my eyes around the room, I smirked to Rod. He had already guessed what I was going to do. He backed out of the room, his body hitting the door frame as he half limped, half ran from the room in terror. I scrawled his name across the page, barely bothering to write legibly. Flicking the pen back at Sycthe, he reached up and caught it, leaning back on the stained couch. I rolled my eyes, shutting the book.  
"Three...two...one..." He muttered, counting down the last few of the forty seconds.

And that's when it happened.

A strangled yell echoed down the corridors, a scream of protest and fear. It was only seconds long, followed by a thump, but it chilled me to the bone. Not that I let it show. Knowing I had killed someone with a sheet of paper and didn't even have bloody hands to prove it. This was...fantastic. "So it works..."  
"It was Kira's, but we managed to steal it in a...exchange." I gave him a half smile, picking up the book. "In that case, there is something I have to do. Pen. Now." I demanded, holding my hand open. The stick of plastic was pressed into my awaiting palm. Opening the book to the page it had been only moments ago, I scribbled a name. Counting to forty in my head, I was unsurprised as Sycthe howled in pain, fingers clutching at his chest.  
"My job now." I hissed. "Anyone care to defy me?" I asked around the room, the various shocked faces immediately composing themselves.  
"No sir." They chorused in unison.  
"Good." I said, walking out of the door. I had things to do.

**Matt's P.O.V**

Low battery. Low battery? No no noooooooo! I leapt over the table, hunting frantically for the charger. I knew it was around there somewhere and I couldn't let Zelda die after...I glanced up at the clock, fourteen hours of non stop playing. Really fourteen hours? It only felt like two at the most, still Mello's plan worked. I was so absorbed I forgot the time completely and as such forgotten everything else in the mind numbing plot we call 'reality'.  
Finding the plastic wrapped cord I jammed the plug into the wall, Zelda happily beeping again as electricity flowed through it.  
Sighing in relief I curled back up on the floor, the game resting in between my legs. Mello burst in the door moments later, his usually cold eyes gleaming with excitement.  
"Matt!" He ran across the room, throwing himself on top of me.  
"Good...Morning?" I asked, not really sure where in the time stance I was.  
"Evening." He reminded me, snuggling into my chest. "Happy birthday."  
"Thanks." I murmured, pressing the pause button. "And thank you for giving me something so utterly time consuming it managed to keep me out of it for hours."  
He grinned, winking at me. "That's the plan."  
"And you know it." I replied, brushing my lips against his. "So what made you so excited today?"  
He rolled his eyes. "Nothing! I was just happy to see you...Although..."  
"What?"  
"I got promoted."  
Sitting up, I wrapped my arms around his waist. "Congratulations." I smiled to him. He sat still for a moment before wriggling out of my grasp.  
"Need a shower." He said. "Give me a minute."  
I don't think he realised I noticed his twitchy behaviour. But I did.


	30. Hiding

**A.N**

**New chapter love!**

**Ugh my plot bunnies are very uncreative lately, for this I apoligise. Although I'm watching Hannibal at the moment...D: I do not like this film, almost as much as I hate Coraline, that film is creepy!**

**Ok enough rambiling! Review please!**

**Mild Lemon warning**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note **

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Mello's P.O.V

I have to find somewhere to hide this thing! It says in the front that anyone who touches it will be able to see a shinigami. I was yet to see one, but I wasn't willing to take that chance with Matt. If he knew about that, well I wouldn't be able to face him ever again.

No matter what this book must be hidden for now, at least until I can find a proper place to hide it permanently. With a sigh, I pulled my top drawer open, covering it with various pieces of clothing. Slamming it shut, I ran into the bathroom clicking on the water. I was hoping I hadn't spent to long debating a place to hide it. Still at least I get to have a shower, a luxury I hadn't had for a couple of days.

I hurried in and out of the warm water. With any luck Matt wouldn't have shifted from the spot. When he got into a game his ass was glued to the same space for_ hours_. Still he might be wandering now that I'm home, he gets distracted easily. Increasingly so since...

Wrapping a towel around my waist I stepped back into our room. I let out a sigh of relief as I heard him bustling around in a different room. He keeps cleaning! This place is cleaner now than it has been in the year we've lived here, I can see the floor for fuck sake! Letting my hair drip down my back, I pulled a pair of trackies on along with a baggy T-shirt. It had been a while since I had dressed like this. Fortunately I no longer had to go to work most days, due to that _accident_. Sneaking up behind Matt, I wrapped my arms around his waist.

"I missed you." He whispered, gripping my arms lightly.

"As you should, I'm so damn irresistible, how you exist without me still makes me wonder."

"Haha." He replied, sarcasm dripping from his lips.

"I knew it." I muttered, tracing his abdomen with my fingertips. He shivered lightly, bending his head forwards so I could no longer see his face.

"Mells, I'm busy..."

"Oh really? Well now you've just given me a challenge"

"I have to finish this hacking."

I whined lightly, nibbling his neck. His head tilted back slightly, giving me better access to the pale skin. Trailing my fingers lower I smiled at his sudden intake of breath.

Needless to say the hacking went undone that night.

**Matt's P.O.V**

I cracked an eye open, glancing at the clock the red numbers glowed vigorously until my eyes focused, showing me that it was 4:45 am. With a groan I rolled back over, my muscles aching at the slightest contact. Mello mumbled something in his sleep, his form splayed across the bed his chest rising and falling in a steady motion. Realising I wasn't getting anymore sleep I pushed myself off the bed, hardly surprised when I fell straight on the floor. I'd lost all feeling in my legs, moving each part of my leg in turn; I waited until that stabbing sensation flowed down the skin. Standing up I began to rummage through the chest of drawers for something to wear.

Pulling a T-shirt from the drawer I dragged the familiar stripy fabric over my head. I was about to push the door shut when a glimmer of silver caught my eye. Digging my hand under the clothes I grasped a leather cover.

"Death note?" I murmured, turning the book over in my hand. Flicking open the first page, I read the almost unreadable lettering.

_The human whose name is written in this note will die._

Pfft. This thing couldn't be real, just another dumb superstition thing that people passed around. But Mello had 'hidden' it...could it be real? Of course not. I placed it back where it belonged, covering it back up with clothes. Casting a glance at Mello, he sighed and turned over. Of course it wasn't real.


	31. Rabbits

**A.N **

**Heheheheeee, long overdue update ^^; But here we go something to ponder for a little while. I actually have the ending for this figured out at long last (Yay) But no spoilers at all I'm afraid.**

**Updates will be sparse as I'm having internet trouble, sorry =]**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death note...or Tetris**

**Review me! C'mon guys I need the critiscim!**

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Mello's P.O.V

Matt didn't even look at me the next morning. He was silently blaming me for letting him get distracted and using that to my advantage. He kept his eyes glued to the screen in front of him, fingers moving faster than should be humanely possible. Of course, he only had a limited time now to finish his job, by the speed of his typing...about four minutes and thirty six seconds. He gritted his teeth in agitation as he was forcing his way through a firewall, no other thought on his mind except beating the system.

Just like my way of beating the system, which was hidden in the drawer. Okay, I get it, a drawer is cliche but if you only had about thirty fucking seconds to hide your killer notebook where you would you put it? Exactly. Besides I plan to move it today. I'll probably keep a few pages on me and place the book in the wall. Matt's smart but he never found the hole in the wall, I boarded it up but there's still a decent sized gap behind it. Hopefully if a shinigami does appear then it will have to stay with the notebook. In the bloody wall.  
"And he wins again!" Matt yelled, punching his fists in the air.  
"What?" I asked, the sudden burst of noise startling me out of my train of thought.  
"Six seconds to spare and I can still own everyone!" He leaped up from his chair, a childish grin on his face.  
"Congrats." I murmured, willing to put my head on the counter and fall back to sleep. But it was the middle of the day and I can't be like Matt. You sit him down without a game or something along those lines and he'll fucking doze off. It's unreal.  
"Don't get too enthusiastic Mello, you might hurt yourself." He replied, rolling his eyes as my head inched closer and closer to the counter. "And if you're so tired then go back to bed."  
"Can't."  
"Why not?"  
"I'm not you." I mumbled back, a small smirk on my face as he huffed, folding his arms across his chest.  
"Shut up, we can't all be ADHD worthy."  
"And we can't all be narcoleptic. Now shut up I'm trying to think."  
He huffed again, but fell silent and left me to my thoughts, shuffling away to play some unreleased game on some gaming platform. I began tracing my finger on the worktop, silently spelling out my thoughts. I'd been doing it for years but I'd always managed to keep it on the down low as a habit, unlike Linda everyone knew that she enjoyed to 'act out' her thoughts...with toys or people. Let me tell you after a while it got pretty damn disturbing, especially as she got older. Poor Matt was never the same after Linda cornered him, he still shudders at the thought of rabbits.

Prying myself off the counter, I wandered back into the bedroom. To be honest (For once) that book hadn't been off my mind in the slightest. It had been dominating my thoughts and I was aching to use it again. Rummaging through the drawer I pulled it back out, stroking the binding gently.  
"It looks like you're in love with it."  
I immediatly tensed up, I knew that it wasn't Matt speaking...that meant it was a...shinigami. I slowly turned around, the grotesque face unlike anything I'd ever seen. It took everything I had not to let out a yell of surprise or fear. "Not as such, but I'm going to put it to good use."

**Matt's P.O.V**

I think my mind has switched off. No wait, scratch that. Not switched off but drifted to screen saver, after all I didn't notice when he left the room or when he didn't return despite that he had refused to go to sleep and Mello will always do what he tells himself. Or maybe I'm just so unobservant that he came back and went out, but I was too busy replaying the Tetris theme in my head to actually acknowledge his existence. No he hadn't left, you couldn't not notice Mello, so he must still be here.

I paused my game and padded over to the door, my hand on the gilded handle.  
"Of course I can, unless you want me to prove you wrong." Mello scowled, pausing for a moment he continued to talk. "Don't talk stupid, with this I can do whatever the fuck I like."  
I blinked, lowering my hand. It was rude to disturb people when they were on the phone.


	32. In out, in out

**A.N Heh heh**

**Please fangirls don't kill me here's a long overdue chapter for you all to enjoy (I hope)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own death note**

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**Mello's P.O.V**

I scowled, the clown faced Shinigami drifted after me as I placed the book inside the wall. He had explained that he didn't have to stay attached to the book, but to me. I guess I was just lucky that Matt couldn't see him. I would be royally fucked in the ear if he could, I could already picture the conversation.  
"Mello. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?"  
"Oh hey Matt. This is just my God of death, ya'know attached to my killer notebook. Oh by the way, I'm the new Kira." Complete with a big cheesy grin on the end.  
...And then a punch in the face.

Okay maybe not the punch, but the harshness in his gaze would be there. The kind of look that makes even me want to crawl into a ball. So I guess it's a good thing he can't see 'Ryuk' as the character liked to be called. He wasn't scary as such, certinatly not something that would scare me after death. He just laughs at everything and seems to find humans amusing. I interrogated him for little over fifteen minutes, asking every and any question I could think of. When I had my fill of answers, I rose, walking towards the door.  
"I won't speak to you when my 'friend' is around. For his own sake and to avoid getting caught..." I trailed off, stepping into the front room. "Hey Matt." He glanced up. "Hey...Mello. Need to pay rent this month. Gary called, again demanding it. Something like one more chance before we get evicted."  
"Bastard. I'll pay him when I get round to it." Matt rolled his eyes, Turning his eyes back to his game.

**Matt's P.O.V**

Oh my fucking God. There is no way, not way Mello could not have noticed that abomination behind him! Grotesque twisted features on a pure ivory face, complete with a grin that stretched halfway up his face. It wasn't even walking! It took everything I had not to scream in alarm and keep my face composed. (A talent I learned from Near. Odd kid.)

This means...that thing...in the drawer...it's real. Oh God, oh God, oh God. No no no no no no no! This wasn't...it's not. He's Kira! Matt you're so dense sometimes. Just breathe. How do you breathe again? Oh right, in out in out in out. There, now smile and take in his prettiness. Ignore the monster behind him, don't make eye contact with it. If you do it will eat your soul.

Oh fuck, now I'm soulless. I don't think it even realised me glancing at it, I mumbled something about rent and returned to my game. Eyes fixated on the screen. Oh fuck it has a reflection! Can't look! Must look! No can't look!  
"I...have to go out." I garbled, saving the game before running to the door. Okay, I was acting weird even I knew that much, but if you'd just seen what I had you would freak as well.

I guess there's only one thing I can do.

Picking up the phone I dialled the one number I knew by heart.  
"Hello?"  
"It's M. I need to talk to L."


	33. Watari

**A.N I'm taking a break from writing for a bit. I just found out today that a friend died, so this is for you Zero. R.I.P**

**Disclaimer: I do not own death note**

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Mello's P.O.V

The hell? Mister hermit actually left his game on and ran for the door? Time to get in a priest for an exorcism. Then again he's not the one with a god of death attached to him. Maybe that would expel this thing from me...  
"Hyuk hyuk hyuk." I turned around raising a brow at the laughing shinigami. He raised a finger, grin painted from ear to ear. "You know that won't work, I'm here till death do us part."  
"Oh great, I'm practically married to it..." I grumbled, quietly saving Matt's unfinished game and packing it away.

He was acting so odd. He only braved the sun if it was absolutely necessary and it deffinatly wasn't at the moment, but I decided not to let it bother me. After all one of his games might have come out, he's the freak who sets up camp a month prior to the release just so he can get it first. The amount of time police asked him to move his tent from the sidewalk when they released the PS3 was unreal...but he was there four months early. Still a quick threat to the commissioner and they soon left him alone. Luckily for him I was doing work in that area anyway, otherwise he'd have to brave it on his own because I sure as hell wasn't going to freeze my ass off for a pile of microchips!  
I shrugged, setting myself to a few pointless tasks, the kind of things that only keeps my hands busy.  
"One more thing Ryuk."  
"Huh?" The creature looked dazed, slowly drifting around until he was upside down, his legs folded hands placed on either side of his waist.  
"How long do I have this book for."  
"Until you die. Or I kill you. But you Miheal Keehl seem fun. This could be intresting to watch, especially since your boyfriend makes things ten times more fun." He chuckled. I seethed, automatically reaching for my gun, but remembering it was useless I resorted to clenching my fists.  
"You'll leave Matt alone."  
"Oh don't worry, I won't touch him." He continued to chuckled, it was a strange sound, wheezy and inhumane. Something that made you want to plug your ears just to stop your skin crawling.  
"You better not." I growled throwing him an apple. The delighted gasp from the creature filled the room, followed by lip smacking and slurping. I shook my head. Disgusting.

**Matt's P.O.V**

I gripped the phone tightly, on hand buried in my hair. Ok I admit it, I was full blown freaking out, if people saw me they probably crossed over the road because I'm pretty sure I looked close to insanity. The phone clicked signalling that there was someone on the other end.  
"Matt." The electronic voice pulsed through the phone. So unlike his real voice, I guess it changes a lot.  
"L."  
"Is there a problem?"  
I sat down in a bid to stop the trembling that had started, prying my hand from my hair, I gripped my knee tightly instead. How the hell could I explain what was going on? He would believe me yes, but then...he would have to kill Mello. No he wouldn't kill Mello, just destroy that thing.  
"You wouldn't believe me.." I murmured.  
"Watari's already on his way, if you don't want to speak to me in person, leave the phone and run. If you do stay put, he'll be there in two minutes." The connection ended and for the first time, I seriously considered running. If I left he wouldn't be able to find me, I can cover tracks well enough. I could protect Mello and I could leave my worries about being a successor behind.

I sighed, I wasn't about to do any of those things. I was just trying to fool myself into thinking I had the willpower, to actually do something. A long black car parked alongside the curb, a million years away from my Chevy, the sign on the front telling me it was an Aston Martin. No matter what I though of L he had taste in cars, that I couldn't deny. Watari stepped out, donned in a light grey suit. He opened the back door of the car for me.  
"Matt are you coming?"  
I stumbled into the car, mind in a daze. Watari slid in beside me, signalling the driver to carry on. I fumbled nervously with my goggles, the feel of them was usually soothing but today it just didn't work. Watari said nothing, passing me a gentle smile as he saw fit. I was surprised he would even tolerate me, the way I left when I was sixteen was unbelievable. But I had to leave, Mello needed me so of course I left. Well I almost got chased out...D shouldn't have left his explosives hanging around, that's all I'm saying.  
I'm not sure how long we drove for, ten minutes, an hour? All my spacial awareness was gone. The car squealed to an abrupt halt and I let myself out, running into the vast building before I could change my mind. Needless to say I was surprised when I ran straight into L. Usually he was holed up in a room filled with computers and sweets. He looked at me, deep ebony orbs surveying my appearance (Probably checking that I was actually Matt).  
"Matt. What's wrong."  
I shook my head, still unable to force the words out. Turning around he padded down the hallway. I followed, unsure of what else to do. He turned into a room, leaping into a chair and pressing his thumb to his lip. Dropping several sugar cubes into a ceramic cup in front of him, he picked it up draining the liquid.  
"Take your time and start when you're ready."  
I paused for a moment, fidgeting in my seat.  
"I-It's Mello."  
L nodded, keeping his gaze firm upon my form.  
"There was this book, a black book, hidden in the flat and I picked it up. I thought it was a hoax, like a chain mail thing because it had things written in it like 'If you write a humans name in this note then the person will die.' so of course I put it back and thought nothing of it. But...this morning I looked up and there was this thing following Mello. Really scary looking and definitely not human."  
L had frozen, sugar cube poised between thumb and forefinger.  
"Matt what did the cover of the notebook have written on it?"  
"Death Note, I think."  
"Matt you're going to have to stay here for a while."  
"No I need to go home and see M-"  
"Mail Jeevas. You are staying here." he repeated, unusual harshness in his voice despite the normal composure.  
I nodded. there is no way I could stop L.


	34. A watched pot never boils

**A.N**

** I know I know I've been gone forever! But here it is fresh and dandy :) I've been having internet issues but they are now thankfully resolved for the time being. I also have managed to break Beatrice, but being the determined soul I know she is, she pulled through for me, so much love to her.**

**I just want to say to whoever wrote me my very first flame thank you! I needed that laugh more than you can imagine although what I didn't get was the worst you said was that I was gay(?) and Death Note sucks. That makes complete sense, go onto a death note story,read to chapter twelve then flame and insult my sexuality? (I am not gay. I am in fact bisexual) At least be man enough to not post anonymously :) But thanks for the giggles.**

**Seriously though instead of leaving an attempt at a hurtfull review, give me critque and show me how I can better myself to make it better for the reader. You will find much love in doing this.**

**Anywho, this is soon to be over *Epic sad face of epicness* as I'm doubting I'll make this to fifty, but I'll be posting more regulary promise.**

**Disclaimer. I do not own Death note.**

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**Mello's P.O.V**

You know that saying, a watched pot never boils? Well it's true, obviously not literally, but staring at the door will not make someone walk through it. Wishing the clock to slow down will only hurry it and each sound will echo around you like a thundering crash. It had been fourteen hours. Eight of them I had spent in exactly the same position, hands clasped around the chocolate that had long since been forgotten and eyes kept firmly on the wooden plank between me and the outside world.

And it wouldn't fucking open.

I couldn't bring myself to move, just in case the minute I did he returned. I know the chances of that happening at about 0.0000001% but shit like that happens every single day to me. There was no way in hell he would've left without having a fangirl squealing festival about how 'super hardcore epicly awesome' the latest thingy he wanted would be. And there was no way he would've left for this long without calling. "He's probably dead." The shinigami grinned, taking great pleasure in winding me up further. Floating closer he flipped onto his head chuckling to himself.  
I sighed, finally standing. Brushing away the hair that had fallen in front of my eyes, I stepped around Ryuk. "No he's not." I said. "If he was you'd be tormenting me further, or would've had a laughing fit while he was still here. You're not a complex being Ryuk, in fact you're an open book."  
Grabbing a jacket I walked out the door, much to Ryuk's amusement.

**Matt's P.O.V**

The room flooded with people. I wasn't sure how many, probably no more than ten but after just L and me it seemed like a hundred thousand. I wasn't even aware there was others here. It was so loud, all the voices speaking at once to L, something about 'confirmation' and 'are you sure?'. L himself was silent, a rarity that soon made the others in the room shut up. When silence fell, he gestured to me.  
"This is Matt, he'll be helping us on the investigation."  
I stood up in shock, the chair toppling backwards with the abrupt force.  
"What? I never said I would help you! I said I would stay put!"  
"Well that is problematic. Now we will just have to shoot him instead. After all we do have confirmation and we can put that action across." He replied monotonously, picking up sugar cubes and starting to stack them.  
I clenched my fists, knowing full well what his angle was, but I never thought he would use it on me. "Very well. I'll help you."  
L nodded, turning back to the screen in front of him.

I hated myself for giving in. I really thought I wouldn't but I couldn't stand by and watch them shoot him. I could tip him off, take him on the run. What the hell is wrong with that book? I could feel my mind wandering, but I had no energy to restrain it. Glancing at the clock I realised how late it was.  
"I have to go...I'm so late..." I murmured, running from the room before I could be told different. I had to go home, it had been so long and Mello was probably freaking out. I cursed inwardly, feeling a stitch creep into my side. Gamers are not built for running, hell if I wasn't a gamer I still wouldn't be built for running. Bent in two I carried on running, hand gripping my ribs, the burning sensation growing stronger. "Matt?" I was so startled to hear my name, I ran straight into the person asking, falling on top of them.  
"Mello what the hell? You could've just yelled then I wouldn't have crushed you!"  
"Like hell you care! Where the fuck were you?" He retorted. I pushed myself off him, and let him get to his feet. "Matt. What the fuck happened?"


	35. Seeing red

**A.N **

**I know I said fifty chapters but I'm wrapping this up now. Sorry guys but I can't see it going much further.**

**On the other hand I'm proud of myself, this is the longest thing I've ever written in one go. I hope it makes sense. It does in my head xD**

**I will be shipping more MxM so stick around :)**

**Reviews would be loved ^^**

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**Matt's P.O.V**

He looked genuinely concerned, his eyes softening from icy glare reserved for everyone else but me. I remained silent directing my gaze anywhere but his face. He waited for all of two seconds before he began to badger me again, but I kept my mouth shut. I didn't want to see the look in his eye when he found out that I had found the book. That I had turned him in. That he was going to be imprisoned or most likely killed because he wouldn't go down without a fight.

"Matt for fuck sake will you answer me! You're killing me here!" He growled. His choice of words made my mind splutter pathetically to a stop. Of course I'd killed him. Maybe not now but sooner or later my stupidity would catch up with me and Mello would be the one taking the fall.

It took everything I had to look him in the eye. "I found what you'd hidden..." I murmured, quickly diverting my eyes once more. His hand gripped my shoulder, squeezing tightly until my T-shirt bunched under his grasp.  
"What did you find Matt." Mello whispered, his voice dangerously low. If words were liquid his would be poison, venom was practically rolling from his tongue and running down my throat, closing it up. I couldn't talk, I could barely breathe. His shook me gently forcing me to answer.  
"A book." I whispered. "Then I saw that fucking thing behind you."  
Mello took a deep breath releasing my shoulders. "And what did you do after?"  
"What do you think I did? I did the only thing that made sense to me."  
"You went to L."  
I trembled slightly, nodding he closed his eyes desperately trying to keep his anger under wraps.

I'd never seen him this angry before. I'd seen him butcher innocents, rob banks, assassinate officials, bomb peaceful establishments and shoot his own men without a second thought. But he'd never lost control like this.  
"...What did he say?"  
"H-he said you had to come to him or he'd shoot you. You know as well as I do that he's serious."

My heart stopped as Mello's fist connected with my cheek, the force pushing me to the floor.  
"You fucking idiot!" He yelled, clenching his fists tightly again. "How the fuck could you do that to me?"  
I could feel the sudden flush to my face from where he'd punched me. A deep red mark blossoming on my pale skin, I forced myself to stand. "I don't know..." I murmured, running my cool fingers over the new mark, wincing as I prodded a tender spot.

**Mello's P.O.V**

I could see the tears welling in his eyes as he turned and ran. I saw red. No one ever runs from me. Ever. Because they never get further then a few feet without falling to the ground in pain.

I would make sure he belonged to no one but me. Make sure he never left me for someone else.

I grabbed the scrap of paper I had made sure to carry, followed by a thin pen.

I scrawled the name I knew by heart across the cream paper, looping the 'L' in his first name and finishing his 'S' with a flourish on his last.

Forty seconds and he would never look at anyone else.

Thirty eight seconds and I would be the last thing on his mind.

Twenty six seconds and he would be thinking how to apologize.

Ten seconds and I would be written into his mind forever.

Five.

Four.

Three.

Two.

One.

I could see him in the distance, his face contorted in pain as he grabbed his chest trying to free the heart that attempting to leap from his chest. His legs gave out, he fell to his knees and then his back in one graceful movement. His breath shuddered to a halt.

I waited for the sense of relief to come. The sense that he was forever mine.

My eyes widened as a crippling pain shot into my stomach, hitting me with so much force that I collapsed to my knees. Silent tears streaked my face as the feeling tore apart my very being. How could've I...What had I...

The answers I wanted weren't coming through. Nothing made sense, my stomach throbbed in agony and my head felt as if it was going to burst. Of course Matt wasn't dead, I spelt his name wrong . I spelt his name wrong. Oh god please let me have spelt his name wrong. I waited for Matt to pop back up again he'd obviously just tripped over. Fallen and was taking a nap on the pavement.

_My_ fault.

Flipping the paper over I scribbled the only thing I could. Screwing the paper tightly in my fist, I sat back and waited.

I must've fallen asleep and the notebook must've done it's job because when I awoke I was here. It's all white, as far as the eye can see. No matter how far I trek it makes no difference. The scenery will always remain the same. Sometimes I see other. But they never seem to see me. They are perfectly content to wander in circles, muttering to themselves at a hundred miles an hour. Insanity claims you fast here unless you resist. I can't say how long I've been sat in this spot nor can I tell you how many seconds it has been since I made the biggest mistake of my life.

That's why I sit and write. Over and over so I don't forget. I don't want to forget anything about Matt. The Matt I was supposed to stick with until I got shot on a mission. I hope he got inside the pearly gates because he sure as hell doesn't deserve the land of fire and brimstone. I'm not sure how many times I've scribbled every word he ever uttered to me, every kiss he saved for me and every time I let him down. But it's there, etched into the floor until I start again. I will not give into the madness creeping into my vision. I will not turn into a cowering heap on the floor trying to desperately cling onto the last morsel of common sense.

I'll keep writing until I find a way out.

I'll keep imagining everything I hope he thought.

I'll keep reminding myself that I love him.

_"Matt for fuck sake!"_  
_I raised my goggled eyes from the mirrored screen on my gameboy, the dying screams of the monster filled the tiny apartment for a brief moment. The blonde hurricane stormed into the room, anger etched into every single feature on his face._  
_"Yeah?"_  
_"Don't 'yeah' me! Where the fuck is my chocolate, you said you would get more while I was out!"_  
_I bit my lip for a moment, trying to recall the moment when Mello had asked me to leave my comfy position on the couch to brave daylight. The thought alone made an involuntary shudder ripple down my spine. I flickered my eyes back to the game, his icy blue stare making me uncomfortable._  
_"I forgot Mells, go and get it yourself if you're worried."_  
_I swear, if Mello could still scream he would've. Instead he stomped out of the room, slamming the door shut behind him. The loud bang echoing around the room..._

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**A.N **

**If you didn't understand the ending, it's just him writing it out all over again :)**

**I got very depressed writing this. Who wants to kill Matt and Mello? **

**I hope you guys enjoyed it because I'll be writing more (Other fics) soon.**


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